Holiday shortfic II
Dec. 24th, 2011 10:38 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rainsometimesNow I'm going to try to import/crosspost this to LJ or however that stuff works.
Second holiday shortfic, this one prompted byryu19 who asked for "Nami as Santa, Usopp as Mrs. Claus". And also Usopp/Nami... which I'm afraid didn't quite happen, this is all gen and rather cracky.
For the purpose of this fic, assume that somehow the American Santa legend exists in the One Piece world. But since there's still no Jesus on the world of One Piece, Christmas is an entirely secular holiday there. (The name is immaterial /handwaves.)
"Are you reallly sure about this, Nami?" Usopp asked for the fifth time, smoothing the gingham dress and the white apron that was part of his costume.
Nami didn't look up from the mountain of catalogues piled up around her. "Will you look at those things!" she exclaimed softly. "These things have stuff you never see anywhere else in it, but also everything else." She looked up at him. "Can you believe this, Usopp? There's literally everything in this, from the most expensive and exclusive to the very cheapest!"
"Mm, I suppose that makes sense," said Usopp, who had already looked through the Weapons Catalogue somewhere in the pile. "Santa's supposed to give out all kinds of things, so he does need to know everything there is out there, right?" He scratched his chin and tried a sixth time. "But are you sure you should be doing this?"
Nami gave him a dry look as she turned the page. "Getting cold feet now? When that weird Santa Committee landed on the ship, I wasn't the one volunteering us to be Santa this year for half the Grand Line!" Apparently it was a revolving duty, and there were eight Santas working the whole world – or at least, working those islands that expected Santa to come, but there were a lot of those. "It was all you stupid boys. And it's too late to change now - they'd make us pay a penalty charge for pulling out this late, and we can't have that!"
"I didn't mean that," said Usopp. "Chopper's really looking forward to pulling that special sled they loaned us, and using the powder that's supposed to make him fly. But couldn't Luffy or I be the Santa instead? Or even Brook or Franky… maybe Sanji… I don't see why I had to be Mrs Santa," he muttered.
Nami clucked her tongue impatiently, tugging on her fake beard. "That's because you insisted on coming in the sled, and there's only room for Santa, Mrs Santa and one elf – Luffy. And I'm telling you again, you're not thinking straight. I know on some of these islands they just expect the Santa party to come in the night, sneak into the house and leave present there, then leave. But at other islands you're supposed to meet people face-to-face, it's part of the show, and Brook and Franky would just be too scary for many kids. Also, they're not as good as sneaking as I am."
"Okay, fine, but what about Luffy or…"
"He'd eat all the food, you know he would. And," she raised her voice as Usopp tried to interject again, "you would just start gabbing way too much with everyone and we'd never be able to keep to our time-table."
"But the Committee did say we'd get some special time-slowing powers during Christmas Eve and Christmas Day," Usopp pointed out. "Kinda like Foxy's Devil Fruit, except not…" The explanations had been pretty confusing, but it did sound rather exciting.
Nami nodded. "But they also said it wasn't an inexhaustible power, so we should still be as quick about it as we could." She looked down into the catalogue again, a warm smile on her lips. "Will you look at this beautiful jewellery. I wonder…" She got a pensive, faraway look in her eyes that made Usopp swallow and shift his feet.
"Nami, what are you thinking?" he wanted to know, dread in his stomach.
"Well… let's just say we acquire some of this jewellery as gifts and then exchange it with something cheaper…? They'd still get their gifts, no-one would be hurt… It's the thought that counts, right?"
Usopp gasped. "Nami, that's stealing! …okay, okay, you're a thief and we're pirates, but we can't do that when we're playing Santa! What if we're found out?"
Nami sighed. "I suppose you're right. That pompous Committee would probably give us an even steeper penalty charge... and they do seem to know way more than they ought to." She huffed and put the catalogue aside, looking out at the grey sky thoughtfully. "But, well, it just seems to me like previous Santas haven't thought this thing through! I'm sure there must be some way this whole business could be turned profitable. For the Santa, I mean, not just for the merchants."
"See, this is what I mean!" Usopp exclaimed, throwing his arms up. "This whole thing is for giving away stuff, tons and tons of stuff, to other people. House after house after house, you're going to open these bags full of presents...these wrapped, gorgeous, wonderful presents... and then you'll have to hand them over to other people." It wasn't that he didn't think Nami could be generous, he'd personally witnessed at least two major instances of generosity from her and several more minor ones. But over and over and over again... ? "You'll end up with a nervous breakdown or something like that," he told her frankly. "Oi, don't throw catalogues at me!"
"Personally," he heard Robin say right behind him, "I feel that if the Santa Committee did not wish for an unconventional approach, they should not have picked the Strawhats to do it."
"You're not helping," he glowered at her, while Nami grinned triumphantly.
""Exactly!" she purred. "And I already have some new ideas, in fact. One should be able to cut mutually satisfying deal with merchants, there's the matter of deliverance fees... and of course, we should take the opportunity to spy once we can!" She rubbed her hands together. "This will work out just fine."
Usopp backed away, a cold chill running down his back. Time to find Luffy and confer again. It looked like they'd have to stage a coup on the big day.
Second holiday shortfic, this one prompted by
ryu19 who asked for "Nami as Santa, Usopp as Mrs. Claus". And also Usopp/Nami... which I'm afraid didn't quite happen, this is all gen and rather cracky. For the purpose of this fic, assume that somehow the American Santa legend exists in the One Piece world. But since there's still no Jesus on the world of One Piece, Christmas is an entirely secular holiday there. (The name is immaterial /handwaves.)
"Are you reallly sure about this, Nami?" Usopp asked for the fifth time, smoothing the gingham dress and the white apron that was part of his costume.
Nami didn't look up from the mountain of catalogues piled up around her. "Will you look at those things!" she exclaimed softly. "These things have stuff you never see anywhere else in it, but also everything else." She looked up at him. "Can you believe this, Usopp? There's literally everything in this, from the most expensive and exclusive to the very cheapest!"
"Mm, I suppose that makes sense," said Usopp, who had already looked through the Weapons Catalogue somewhere in the pile. "Santa's supposed to give out all kinds of things, so he does need to know everything there is out there, right?" He scratched his chin and tried a sixth time. "But are you sure you should be doing this?"
Nami gave him a dry look as she turned the page. "Getting cold feet now? When that weird Santa Committee landed on the ship, I wasn't the one volunteering us to be Santa this year for half the Grand Line!" Apparently it was a revolving duty, and there were eight Santas working the whole world – or at least, working those islands that expected Santa to come, but there were a lot of those. "It was all you stupid boys. And it's too late to change now - they'd make us pay a penalty charge for pulling out this late, and we can't have that!"
"I didn't mean that," said Usopp. "Chopper's really looking forward to pulling that special sled they loaned us, and using the powder that's supposed to make him fly. But couldn't Luffy or I be the Santa instead? Or even Brook or Franky… maybe Sanji… I don't see why I had to be Mrs Santa," he muttered.
Nami clucked her tongue impatiently, tugging on her fake beard. "That's because you insisted on coming in the sled, and there's only room for Santa, Mrs Santa and one elf – Luffy. And I'm telling you again, you're not thinking straight. I know on some of these islands they just expect the Santa party to come in the night, sneak into the house and leave present there, then leave. But at other islands you're supposed to meet people face-to-face, it's part of the show, and Brook and Franky would just be too scary for many kids. Also, they're not as good as sneaking as I am."
"Okay, fine, but what about Luffy or…"
"He'd eat all the food, you know he would. And," she raised her voice as Usopp tried to interject again, "you would just start gabbing way too much with everyone and we'd never be able to keep to our time-table."
"But the Committee did say we'd get some special time-slowing powers during Christmas Eve and Christmas Day," Usopp pointed out. "Kinda like Foxy's Devil Fruit, except not…" The explanations had been pretty confusing, but it did sound rather exciting.
Nami nodded. "But they also said it wasn't an inexhaustible power, so we should still be as quick about it as we could." She looked down into the catalogue again, a warm smile on her lips. "Will you look at this beautiful jewellery. I wonder…" She got a pensive, faraway look in her eyes that made Usopp swallow and shift his feet.
"Nami, what are you thinking?" he wanted to know, dread in his stomach.
"Well… let's just say we acquire some of this jewellery as gifts and then exchange it with something cheaper…? They'd still get their gifts, no-one would be hurt… It's the thought that counts, right?"
Usopp gasped. "Nami, that's stealing! …okay, okay, you're a thief and we're pirates, but we can't do that when we're playing Santa! What if we're found out?"
Nami sighed. "I suppose you're right. That pompous Committee would probably give us an even steeper penalty charge... and they do seem to know way more than they ought to." She huffed and put the catalogue aside, looking out at the grey sky thoughtfully. "But, well, it just seems to me like previous Santas haven't thought this thing through! I'm sure there must be some way this whole business could be turned profitable. For the Santa, I mean, not just for the merchants."
"See, this is what I mean!" Usopp exclaimed, throwing his arms up. "This whole thing is for giving away stuff, tons and tons of stuff, to other people. House after house after house, you're going to open these bags full of presents...these wrapped, gorgeous, wonderful presents... and then you'll have to hand them over to other people." It wasn't that he didn't think Nami could be generous, he'd personally witnessed at least two major instances of generosity from her and several more minor ones. But over and over and over again... ? "You'll end up with a nervous breakdown or something like that," he told her frankly. "Oi, don't throw catalogues at me!"
"Personally," he heard Robin say right behind him, "I feel that if the Santa Committee did not wish for an unconventional approach, they should not have picked the Strawhats to do it."
"You're not helping," he glowered at her, while Nami grinned triumphantly.
""Exactly!" she purred. "And I already have some new ideas, in fact. One should be able to cut mutually satisfying deal with merchants, there's the matter of deliverance fees... and of course, we should take the opportunity to spy once we can!" She rubbed her hands together. "This will work out just fine."
Usopp backed away, a cold chill running down his back. Time to find Luffy and confer again. It looked like they'd have to stage a coup on the big day.