No, this was exactly the type of comments I was hoping for, thanks a lot!! (And why the sad-face?)
Like this line: But why had it seemed like Usopp had suddenly wanted to be hurt? Just because he knew that was the best way to hurt Luffy back?
That's a great point, but the reader doesn't know how Luffy got to that statement, and to me this would be a perfect moment to retrace Luffy's POV.
I don't even know how I got to that statement; it sort of just jumped down, I guess. I thought it might>/i> be in Luffy's nature to just instinctively think of that kind of thing without not really knowing how: but at the same time, that's part of what I was worried about might either come out as OOC. Or, as you note, too much of a conclusion. Which I would agree with you about: I tend to prefer ambiguities as well. Do you think it might work better if I took out those two lines entirely? Or took out/changed the second sentence only?
In general I think "show, don't tell" is a good kind of rule to keep in your head, though one shouldn't get too dogmatic about it: some things may need to be "told". (In a way, of coruse, since prose is completely non-visual the whole bleeding thing is "tell". ;))
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Date: 2008-03-18 09:59 am (UTC)I don't even know how I got to that statement; it sort of just jumped down, I guess. I thought it might>/i> be in Luffy's nature to just instinctively think of that kind of thing without not really knowing how: but at the same time, that's part of what I was worried about might either come out as OOC. Or, as you note, too much of a conclusion. Which I would agree with you about: I tend to prefer ambiguities as well. Do you think it might work better if I took out those two lines entirely? Or took out/changed the second sentence only?
In general I think "show, don't tell" is a good kind of rule to keep in your head, though one shouldn't get too dogmatic about it: some things may need to be "told". (In a way, of coruse, since prose is completely non-visual the whole bleeding thing is "tell". ;))