Agreed on the "final statements", and I'd suggest expanding on the ideas of the sentences rather than taking them out or changing the sentences themselves - though I certainly see why you'd want to keep the wordage down, if you're aiming for a shortfic. As for other sentences, those two were the ones that jumped out at me, and I think I have a bad habit of 'dictating' what I think should be in other people's fics, so... but usually I find when I revise one part it leads to revisions in other places as well.
Personally, I liked the "best captain ever" line XD I mean, Luffy's already told everyone he's going to be the Pirate King...can't get much braggier than that!
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sorry for the late reply!
Date: 2008-03-25 05:04 am (UTC)Personally, I liked the "best captain ever" line XD I mean, Luffy's already told everyone he's going to be the Pirate King...can't get much braggier than that!