Absence chapter 9, part 2
Apr. 9th, 2011 01:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rainsometimesTitle: Absence, chapter 9. Part two.
Continued from Chapter 9, part 1. For disclaimer, warning and more info, see that part.
*
They reached the top of the path by the mountain pass in the noon hour. It was close to the highest spot on the island, a scant forty-fifty metres of a lonely peak towering above them. They all stopped for a few minutes to have a drink of water and to take in the view of the whole island from there. Not a bad looking place from here, Nami thought, then felt guilty over the thought.
It wasn't hard to find their way down: the path just went on from there in a steep incline down a short grassy hill. This was almost where they'd been, before. They'd walked from the opposite direction on the spot currently below them. It was there they'd found the poneglyph rock, shortly before getting ambushed. In fact, one of the groups of Marines had come down the very path they were walking on right now.
On the way down, Luffy didn't seem to pay much attention to where he walked, stumbling momentarily. But he didn't fall, and his breathing was a little calmer now. As the ground evened out and the crew stepped off the path into the grass, he stopped and straightened up, a still but forlorn, indrawn figure.
"But... where is it?" Chopper said after a couple of moments. "I can't see the rock! Is this the wrong place after all?"
Nami frowned as well, walking over to where Chopper was standing. "I remember it being right here, too. Wait... what's this on the ground?" There were large tracks from something big dragged through the mud, going down behind a great oak lying prone, uprooted by the battle.
"It's here," said Robin calmly, popping up from behind Nami, which made Nami jump.
Robin walked past her to the other side of the oak, lifting a branch so Nami could see for herself some of the smooth grey surface of the rock, and the – to Nami – mysterious symbols written on it. "But it used to be over there," Robin went on. "It's been knocked over."
"What?" said Nami sharply. "Is it destroyed?"
Robin shook her head, smiling faintly. "They couldn't crack the stone's surface. It's close to unbreakable. So they blew up the regular layers of stone and earth at its base, instead. Just to make it a little harder to find and read, I guess."
"Huh. So much trouble to go to..." Nami trailed off. Of course, she did know that the World Government would rather have all poneglyphs destroyed, but still, she hadn't gotten the impression they would have had time for such shenanigans when they'd all been busy killing each other.
Robin stood back, dusting off her hands. "Perhaps they planned to have it buried in dirt, but events interfered..." She shrugged, then turned towards where Luffy was standing indifferently, raising her voice. "I found it."
"Oh. That's good, Robin," he answered mechanically, scuffing his foot on the ground.
Robin paused, then continued more slowly, in a very measured tone, "Captain. I would prefer to stay here by myself."
He gave her a wary look under the strawhat brim, but said nothing.
"Er, Robin, are you sure about that…" Nami began, her voice dwindling down when Robin met her gaze calmly, nodding once.
"I think it would be easier for me," Robin continued, looking back at Luffy. "Can you let me?"
Luffy looked at her quietly for several seconds, then shook his head. "I can't leave you here alone," he said firmly.
"But..."
"I'm not going to let you be here by yourself!" snapped Luffy.
There was pain in Robin's face for a fleeting moment, but then her composure returned, her features smoothing out into a mask. She turned away, crossed her arms, and said nothing.
Zoro, getting closer to where Nami was standing, was scanning their surroundings with an intent gaze.
"There's something moving around here," he said. "Or someone..."
Luffy looked over at him, at the forest around them, eyes narrowing. But then he said, "Sanji."
"Mmhm?" said Sanji from a fair bit away, hands deep in pockets.
"You can stay here with Robin, right?"
Sanji blinked, then smiled. "Oh of course! No problem!" He glanced over at Robin. "If it's not a problem for Robin-honey?"
He's so careful, thought Nami. So cautious. He wouldn't normally be that careful. But now, it's like we're all walking on glass...
Robin raised her eyebrows in an expression of mild surprise that was more pleased than not-pleased.
"That is acceptable," she murmured.
Normally this would have put a worshipful heart in Sanji's eye, but now he just smiled at her fondly. In a way, it was a welcome restraint, and yet it ached in Nami to see it.
Luffy just nodded. "Okay," he said simply. "You'll catch up with us later, then."
And he turned away and started walking again, his fists clenched against his sides.
*
Sanji watched as Luffy and the others walked away, down into the valley below and under the trees. He kept smoking his cigarette with forced slowness.
As the crew first passed out of earshot, and then out of sight, something changed for him. The cloud of unreality that had been there since this morning lifted and dissolved. The trees and rocks around him, the grass, moss and stone underneath weren't going anywhere; weren't just illusory backdrops.
They really were here, after all.
He turned towards the overturned poneglyph rock. "Guess we'd better get this out of the way," he said, waving at the branches of the fallen tree that covered it.
"You don't have to do that," said Robin quietly.
"It's fine," said Sanji, happy to help. He lifted one of the branches and tossed it away.
"Really, you don't have to, it's not necessary–" Robin said, but Sanji just bent down to pick up another branch; it was really no trouble for him.
"Sanji!" said Robin sharply. "Leave it alone!"
Sanji jumped in surprise, letting go of the branch. It fell on his foot.
"R-robin-honey...?" he asked uncertainly.
Robin had crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't want to look at them," she said bitterly. "The hateful things."
Sanji gaped at her.
Robin turned, taking a few steps away from there.
"R-Robin..." Sanji's voice was shaky, now. He was still staring at her in disbelief that he'd really heard her correctly.
After a measured pause, Robin said, her voice smoother and her face held away from him, "I understand that we would have sailed here anyway, even without those things." She waved a dismissive hand over her shoulder towards the poneglyphs. "We would still have gone exploring, would still have been ambushed." She was quiet for a moment. "And... well," her voice turned brisker, "we would also still be here again by now, I suppose. There would be one reason less to return, but in the end, we – we would still be at a loss for an alternative."
"I believe that, too," said Sanji quietly.
Robin's voice dropped low. "I understand all that." He heard her swallow, then she went on in a thicker voice, "I do understand it. But." She took a few more steps away, still keeping her back towards Sanji, holding herself by the elbows. "I simply loathe the things. That's all." There was a faint tremble in her tone.
But doesn't that mean you hate yourself? wondered Sanji. I thought you'd learned better, by now. That we'd taught you better.
But he couldn't say that. It would only put more of a burden on her. So would all the other useless lines his mind offered up – besides, he was sure she'd already considered the meaning in them all before.
Thus, he didn't say, What about Ohara's legacy? or, He'd hate to have you feel that way, you know or So why did you stop here by the stone, then?. Besides, when he reflected he thought he had the answer to the last one: probably so she wouldn't upset Luffy and the others by not examining the stone in front of them. But at least it was clear why she'd wanted to stay back alone.
Instead of saying any of those things, Sanji took a deep puff on his cigarette and blew out the smoke slowly, letting it form a big question mark.
"All right," he said slowly. "Shall we..." Then he stopped himself.
Robin turned back, looking composed again. "Hm? What?" she said.
Sanji sighed, rubbing his forehead with his thumb. "Never mind, Robin-honey. I mean, uh... I was going to ask if we should go catch up to the others, but..."
"You don't really want to, do you?" Robin put her head to one side, looking understanding. She had just sat down on the fallen tree, her back to the poneglyph rock, in the shade of the top of the mountain.
"...Do you?"
Silence, then a small shrug. "Well. We agreed to come here," she said quietly. "I suppose we shouldn't leave all the dirty work to the others." But she made no move to get up.
"Right," he mumbled, "right, that makes sense..." And yet he sat himself down in the grass. "In a moment." When his legs felt stronger. He hadn't realised until this moment how bone-deep tired he was, as if he hadn't slept for days – no, for weeks.
And then they were both quiet for several minutes, just sitting there. Sanji close his eyes and breathed in the cigarette, but also the tropical air.
"It smells better now, here," he observed. "The air is fresher."
"True," Robin agreed. "Another thing I noted is that the inland wildlife seems calmer."
"I suppose so..." said Sanji vaguely. "You know, Robin-honey," he went on impulsively, not really knowing where he was going, "if he was here right now, I bet he'd start telling you some ridiculous shitty story to amuse you with. And ask you what you thought about something completely irrelevant, maybe show off a new invention or something. Anything to distract you with. And I'm not sure but I think you would laugh."
"Yes," said Robin, her voice thicker than before, "I think I probably would." After a brief pause, she added in a whisper, "Eventually."
"Because..." Sanji, picking distractedly at straws of grass, wasn't deliberating now, but just saying his thoughts as they came to him. There was too much in his head and he was too tired to be careful. "Because that's his way. We all have our different ways. And he would do that, if he couldn't just badger you. " He heard the open pain creep into his voice, but went on regardless, "And all the time what he'd mean by that is that things aren't too bad, he knows you can sort it out, and he trusts you completely." No, he wasn't up for using the past tense right now, dammit.
"Yes..." Robin's voice sounded less distant by now. More wistful. "And if that didn't work, he'd go back to badgering me. Because dreams are important."
Sanji looked at her quickly. "They are," he said. She only nodded.
He slumped, looking down at the grass and the handful of flowers, at ladybirds and honey-bees, feeling his throat grow tighter. "They are..." he repeated, shivering in the hot sun. A sob slipped out, wouldn't be pushed down. He blinked furiously but his cheeks turned wet even so.
"Shit," he muttered, wiping his face on his sleeves. "A-anyway." What had he been going to say? "Anyway, that's not what I can do, but..."
But Robin said quickly, "Maybe I don't want to find out the Lost History so much anymore."
Sanji's eyebrows rose again, but looking over at her, he found he didn't feel as alarmed by that as he might have thought. Somehow he got a clear feeling she didn't really mean this part. She just needed to say it.
"Maybe I don't want to find All Blue," he replied. There was an odd relief in saying that, even though he knew he didn't truly mean it either. Mostly, at least.
Robin said, more slowly and thoughtfully, "Maybe we won't get to do either of those things, anyway. If our captain gives up on his own dream."
Sanji looked up at her sharply. "You think he'd do that?"
"He might well," said Robin, meeting his worried gaze steadily. "I don't consider it out of the question. Do you?"
Once he remembers. And it couldn't be long now - might already have happened, in the green jungle below them. Sanji swallowed. "Shit. He might just." That thought had ran through his mind before, truth be told. Staring at the ground, he swore a little more, under his breath. "Dammit. That would piss Longnose off so badly," he muttered bleakly.
"Sanji?"
"Yes, Robin?" he said, his voice a little softer again.
"There's someone here."
*
Are they going down to the ship again? Luffy doesn't ask, doesn't stop to reflect or look around, his feet just go on mechanically. This was the way we came.
He's not completely out of it or disoriented; he knows they came up on the other side of the mountain just now. But that... that was the wrong way, not the way they'd come before. Last time. And there's something in him that desperately wants this to be the only way they came. That they only dreamed they were sailing on after this island, that they've been here all this time - no, not all this time, that they're back in the same day and there never was an ambush, they weren't baited or betrayed, the island not a hostile place -
Nami's eyes turn up in his memory all dark and serious and not backing down. ' Why do you say it’s a bad place? You’re the one insisting everything was just fine, that really bad happened! You're not the one to talk!'.
Luffy swallowed. He was right and he was wrong and everything was wrong and he didn't know anything anymore, except the abyss opening in front of him was bigger and bigger and he couldn't outrun it anymore.
One foot before the other. One more. Ignore the stubborn feeling he's being watched by someone not in the crew, because every time he looks up, there's nothing there. Ignore all the smells and the gaps under his feet and everything, everything...
And then he hears again that voice, the one he wants to think is his own, Sometimes I need to not be protected, okay?
and, Once there's five of us, we'll head for the Grand Line!
and, ... stop looking like you're dead! Stop breaking our hearts here, dammit!
Then there's a warm arm across his shoulder, the sense of someone else close by smiling with him, and it could be anyone in the crew, or it could be Ace or a couple of other people, but he knows it isn't, it doesn't fit, just like the voice in the dream of the gray nowhere-place. He stops in his tracks, doesn't notice if his crewmates are curious or not; he tries wrapping his arms around himself, but no matter how he hard he tries to pretend, he can't have four arms. He just can't. Nor does he have another shoulder he can lean his own arm on, as it should be –
And now he's on the ground, grabbing hold of the grass and panting heavily.
"It's all right, it's all right, I'm here," he mumbles, sweat rolling down his temples. "I'm here, I'm here, everybody's here, it's fine, it's ALL RIGHT!" His voice rises in a yell. (But under him, he can feel the dry grass and soil shifting, spreading out, getting thinner, holes opening up – )
"Luffy."
"Hey, Luffy..."
That's Zoro and Chopper, he registers vaguely. Luffy's head shoots up again, and in the next second, he's jumped to his feet.
"It's all right," he repeats in a softer tone. His face is tense and set again, even whiter than before: his body is shaking. "Let's hurry up."
*
Sanji jumped to his feet, spun around and quickly moved in front of Robin, facing the direction she was looking in. He saw a man standing under the trees, right where the edge of the forest met the mountainside. Still too far to make out his features or even much of his clothing, the man was looking straight at them. Having lit a new cigarette, Sanji put his hands in his pockets and eyed the newcomer closely, waiting for him to make the first move.
The man started to walk towards them at a slow pace. After he'd taken a few steps, Sanji narrowed his eyes and felt something cold, hard and sharp in his stomach. It was the man's clothes, not his features - still too far away to see clearly - that had jostled his memory. Not that there was anything very distinct about the grey-brown skirt, the grey-green trousers, the high brown boots and the faded blue belt; no, it was only that precise combination as worn on a man of medium height and short black hair that did it.
It had only been a few weeks, after all.
One more step, and then Robin said, quietly but without any doubt in her voice, "It is that man."
That was all the catalyst Sanji needed. He was off and running, not even slowing down at the point where he recognised the other man clearly and undeniably, but reached him in four seconds. The shithead didn't even have time to cry out or try to shield himself before Sanji had kicked him clear across the field, right into an alder tree. The tree swayed back and forth from the impact. Sanji put out his cigarette with his fingers, then stalked over to the tree. The man – still conscious, as Sanji had intended, which was why he'd held back a lot while kicking – was groaning and trying to sit up as Sanji hauled him upright by the collar, pushing him towards the tree's trunk. Robin walked up towards the two of them at a calmer pace.
Because this was the man – skinny, sinewy, maybe in his late thirties or early forties; with lines in his face as if he'd been kicked around by life a lot – that they had picked up in a rowboat hours before they even made land here the first time. The one who'd talked to them about medicinal herbs and poneglyphs, mumbled vaguely about dangerous animals without giving any kind of details; who'd appeared friendly and grateful and somewhat piteous, yet stubborn and cheerful enough to seem likable. Who had completely failed to mention a special battalion of expendable Marine soldiers lying hidden on the island, not to mention the size, strength, quantity and mean intelligence of the local Seakings.
And who had also vanished completely from the moment they were ambushed.
"What the hell are you still doing here, asshole?" snarled Sanji
"I–I live here…" the man managed weakly, drawing for breath despite Sanji's firm grip.
"Live here? In this godforsaken place?" Disbelievingly, Sanji pressed his thumb a little harder on the man's throat. "Tch. Serves you right, if so. Why didn't you stay out of our sight then, worm? How fucking stupid are you?"
"L-look, I came out here," wheezed the other man, "I'm not armed or anything–" He twitched as if trying to put his arms up, not that he could when pinned against the tree like this. Nor could he move his legs; Robin had already bloomed hands to help keep him firmly in place.
"So what?" spat Sanji. "Is that supposed to impress me? What, you've got some new sob story you think you can fool us with?"
"N-no–" said the man weakly, avoiding his eyes. But moments later, as Robin reached the two of them, he raised his head and his voice surged, turning frantic, "L-look, you don't understand, I'd been enslaved for five years, away from my family my people; they told me I'd be free if only I'd do this one thing for them, and then, and then my wife was careless when the Marines got here and they captured her and my d-daughter, don't you see I had to? You c-could have been the nicest and most innocent people in the world and I'd still have deceived you and worse–"
"Indeed?" said Robin coolly. "And how do we know that's not just another sob story, Mr. Tomasso?"
The man flinched and looked abashed, but muttered sullenly, "Th-that's not my name. That was just the slave name I was given. My real name's Ananshio."
Sanji exploded, hoisting the man up again. "Do you really think we fucking care what your shitty name is? Slave or not, why the hell do you think we'd ever be fine seeing your shitty face around, anywhere?" He let go of the alleged Ananshio as his face turned red from air loss, not quite trusting his own restraint. Robin quickly bloomed more arms to keep the man largely immobilised.
"W-well, I..." the man wheezed, once he'd gotten air back in his lungs. "...I guess I should have realised you'd still be too upset to listen, but... I just really need to talk to you... You guys, you..."
"We're not fine talking to you," Sanji snapped. He took out his cigarette, breathed out smoke, then inhaled again. "In fact, we're hardly even fine letting you still breathe, so don't push your luck, shithead."
"Wait, Sanji." Robin held up a hand. Turned towards Ananshio, she said coldly, "The only reason we would ever listen to you is if you know where the body of our crewmate is. If you do know that, reach your point and tell us right now. If you don't, kindly disappear from here and leave us alone."
Sanji nodded in agreement.
Ananshio looked back and forth from one to the other wildly. "B-but–!" Then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "You pirates..." He looked up, more force in his voice now, his face more determined. "...You've made my family, my people, this whole island and the waters around it several great, great services. There's nothing I don't owe you for that. Nothing." He drew breath again. "But," he went on in a shaky voice. "Part of what I owe you is the truth. And. And you need to be told the truth, you should be told, even if you d-don't think you want to hear it, right now."
There was a long silence.
Then Sanji cleared his throat. "Your people... What do you mean by that?" he said, voice more controlled now.
"I'm a merman," Ananshio explained, sounding slightly calmer. "Well – half anyway, they're my mother's people, but that's where I grew up... There used to be a large tribe of us in these waters. Most have left now since the slave raids kept increasing and the Seakings grew hostile to us – those who weren't killed or abducted, that is. But a handful's still here, including my wife and daughter. They stayed here all these last five years when I was a slave, instead of going somewhere safer." After a short moment, he added quietly, "And now, more can come back."
Sanji and Robin exchanged one long glance, she probably thinking the same as he did. Nami had spoken to the two of them – and to nobody else, yet – about the rumours of the merfolk that used to live near this island.
"Mr. Ananshio," said Robin finally, the honorific still clearly indicating distance rather than respect, "are you saying you belong to the tribe of local merfolk renowned for their healing abilities?"
Ananshio nodded. He seemed to find it easier to meet her gaze now. "Yeah. I do. But not all of us are skilled in healing. I'm not. The slavers were pretty disappointed in me for that." He smiled crookedly, bitterly, for just an instant. Then he added, "My wife is, though."
Sanji exhaled softly, feeling dizzy. He could have done with a tree to lean on himself, right then.
He didn't know how to proceed, and was more than a little afraid to. Legendary healers. And yet... looking at Ananshio's demeanour up until now, did it really look like someone bearing good news? Unless... no, Sanji couldn't guess at what the merman might possibly be playing at.
But he said nothing as Ananshio began talking again, going back to the events of that terrible day. And neither did Robin, still and silent and achingly beautiful where she stood. She didn't look as dizzy as Sanji felt; she wasn't shaking like Ananshio or faintly trembling like Sanji, but there was a certain blankness in her eyes that might mean she wasn't sure how to go on, either. And she looked far paler than usual.
Very matter-of-factly, as if determined not to make more excuses for himself, Ananshio related how he'd slipped away right after the Marines had ambushed them, just as they had suspected. He'd run down to the Marine base to free his wife and daughter, but only his wife was there. Their eight-year-old daughter had been taken to a more secret place at the heart of the island: the one where the Commander had retreated later, only for Luffy to follow him and bring him down.
"That's when the whistle was shattered," said Ananshio, his voice suddenly breaking into a harsh whisper. Sanji glanced at him in surprise. Ananshio cleared his throat, stared at the grass by his feet and went on, "For this island, that was the most important thing you did. But the most important thing you did for my family was right after that." He licked his lips and swallowed. "That's when you captain and your sniper discovered my daughter in the chaos, her arms bound so she couldn't even hop on her tail. They didn't just untie her, they also carried her to the nearest creek and told her to swim away to where it was calm." Robin had stopped restraining his arms, and now the merman looked at his hands as he turned them over and over.
"I'm not entirely sure what the Marines had planned," he said softly, "but probably they'd planned to sell her off for a high price. She'd have spent the rest of her life as some human's pet, for them to gawk at."
Robin finally moved, taking a step closer to the other two and crossing her arms. "Fine," she said briskly, fixing Ananshio steadily. "We understand. You feel a debt of gratitude to some people you've wronged. Such things happen. But why is this important to us, pray tell?"
"Um, ah, w-well," stammered Ananshio, pressing himself against the tree as if trying to back away from Robin's gaze. "S-see, my wife had left for her secret hide-out, she's got a bad leg and isn't good at running, so... and I ran to the shore, the, the one where your ship was, and then as I came out of the forest I saw the King of Seakings there, and p-p-people fighting by the rock, just tiny figures, and – and in the midst of the bay there she was, my daughter..."
He stopped, too shrill-voiced and breathless to continue. Sanji looked at him grimly.
"Stop beating around the bush, shithead," he growled. "We don't need to hear all this shit. She was there, right, and he fell down and maybe he fell into the water, and – then what? Enough." He poked the merman in the chest, hard enough to leave a mark. "Giving people false hope is a shitty way to repay them for favours, bastard. If it was good news you'd already have fucking told us by now." He was snarling by now, his face contorted.
He forced the rest of the words out, feeling them fall like salt stones from his mouth, heavily, bitterly. "Either you guys got to him far too late, or – or something else happened that you don't want to tell us. Like. If he survived, but there's something wrong with his brain. Which. Is. It?"
"I-I-Ah..." Ananshio licked his lips, then grabbed his face in his hands and cried out, "It's just not that simple!"
Then Robin stepped past Sanji, loosened her grip on the merman and used her own two normal hands to grab him by the collar and lift him up from the ground, tall as she was. Sometimes it was easy to forget that she was quite strong even without using her Devil Fruit power, Sanji thought admiringly. "I happen to agree," she said stiffly. "No more evasions and convoluted stories. It's clear now that you know one thing, at least. Where is he?"
The air went out of the merman. "I-uh– all right," he sighed, defeated. "You win, Nico Robin. I wanted to explain more, but... I'll take you two to where he is."
*
The crew go on downhill on the forest path, through the hot, verdant island. Bats and canaries pass them.
Luffy isn't there. Luffy's in Alabasta, on Whiskey Peak, in Cocoyashi village, on Skypiea, in Water 7... Everything glides past him, gliding too fast, shifting, running.
"...don't..." he mumbles. "It's... it's..." He wants to say, it's all right but he can't anymore, the words freeze on his tongue. "...it's what it is, but but, if I can be, if I can only be..." he babbles, not listening to himself, just needing to talk.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, I don't think so," he mumbles, and the thin thin veil remaining to him that lets him think he doesn't know why he's saying no, no, no is almost torn up, so very little left. The sky is a brilliant tropical blue above him. He can't even hide in gunsmoke...
And they walk.
*
He makes it as far as the third clearing. Then he stops. The others all freeze as well, silent behind him, around him.
His left arm starts trembling, trembling, until the whole of him is shivering uncontrollably.
"...it hurts..." he mumbles, clutching his hands, formed into fists to his chest and stomach. He bends over, soon crouching. "...Hurts..." Too much, too much, his face twisting in pain. "No, no, no, no, no..." he gasps weakly. Now he sinks onto the ground, slower this time, not getting up again. "No..." His fists are so tight they hurt, but it doesn't matter, that's not what's making it hard to breathe and see and think; that's a lighter kind of pain. He hugs his legs and starts rocking back and forth, letting out half-choking, half-keening wordless noises that's all he can say, all. No screams, no nothing, no words, just ragged breathing and the wordless, high-pitched, desperate sounds.
Everything, everything. All tumbling down on him, all the memories, images, sounds – too much, far too many, too varied and bright and shining and terrible – his head's not big enough to handle it, he can't take it, can't, can't...
But the road's run out for him. There's no place to hide anymore.
Because now he has a name to the gaping absence that's causing this vicious pain inside him. A name and a face and a voice and all these tumbling, charging memories filling him up,
finally much too strong to choke down or turn into something different.
It's Usopp.
Of course it is. Everything falls into place in his head, knocking down the false constructions, all fitting together horribly well.
It's Usopp, right there.
Who he met and fought along with and defeated that guy with the glasses for, who joined up with them so he could sail and laugh and fight and have fun; who loved the Going Merry even more than the rest of them did, who fought Luffy for real and left them and yet helped them when they were in grave trouble (and yes, it really was him with them all along; Luffy finally sees that now, feeling almost blinded by the razor-white clarity in his mind); who came back to be a part of them again. An amazing sniper, a clever inventor, a great friend; who could be very afraid and very brave and make up the best lies in the world and who knew there was no use to stuff if you weren't having fun. And like all his crewmates, he's infinitely important.
It's Usopp.
And Luffy didn't save him.
And now he's gone.
"Ah-ah-ah-ah…" he gasps, not able to get anything else out in between what feels like stabs to his chest.
He remembers now, all of it, the battle, the sea king, Nami's cry... the fall, the great wound, the blood. All of it.
He can't think of anything, anything, nothing. He realizes, now, why he didn't want to feel like Luffy anymore. The high-piercing noises he makes get even higher, louder, wilder; there are still no words. He can't say words.
There's movement behind him now, he registers dully. Then suddenly, Brook's voice.
"We don't all need to be here," says the musician in a low tone. "Mr Zoro, Miss Nami, you two stay here with him. The rest of us will wait for you down at the shore."
Luffy doesn't have the strength to object even if he wanted to. He doesn't even have strength left to think about it. Maybe he wants all of them gone. Maybe he needs all of them there. Maybe just Zoro and Nami is okay. He doesn't know. It doesn't matter. No.
He didn't save him.
And now he's gone.
- To be continued in Chapter 10: The Truth
Continued from Chapter 9, part 1. For disclaimer, warning and more info, see that part.
*
They reached the top of the path by the mountain pass in the noon hour. It was close to the highest spot on the island, a scant forty-fifty metres of a lonely peak towering above them. They all stopped for a few minutes to have a drink of water and to take in the view of the whole island from there. Not a bad looking place from here, Nami thought, then felt guilty over the thought.
It wasn't hard to find their way down: the path just went on from there in a steep incline down a short grassy hill. This was almost where they'd been, before. They'd walked from the opposite direction on the spot currently below them. It was there they'd found the poneglyph rock, shortly before getting ambushed. In fact, one of the groups of Marines had come down the very path they were walking on right now.
On the way down, Luffy didn't seem to pay much attention to where he walked, stumbling momentarily. But he didn't fall, and his breathing was a little calmer now. As the ground evened out and the crew stepped off the path into the grass, he stopped and straightened up, a still but forlorn, indrawn figure.
"But... where is it?" Chopper said after a couple of moments. "I can't see the rock! Is this the wrong place after all?"
Nami frowned as well, walking over to where Chopper was standing. "I remember it being right here, too. Wait... what's this on the ground?" There were large tracks from something big dragged through the mud, going down behind a great oak lying prone, uprooted by the battle.
"It's here," said Robin calmly, popping up from behind Nami, which made Nami jump.
Robin walked past her to the other side of the oak, lifting a branch so Nami could see for herself some of the smooth grey surface of the rock, and the – to Nami – mysterious symbols written on it. "But it used to be over there," Robin went on. "It's been knocked over."
"What?" said Nami sharply. "Is it destroyed?"
Robin shook her head, smiling faintly. "They couldn't crack the stone's surface. It's close to unbreakable. So they blew up the regular layers of stone and earth at its base, instead. Just to make it a little harder to find and read, I guess."
"Huh. So much trouble to go to..." Nami trailed off. Of course, she did know that the World Government would rather have all poneglyphs destroyed, but still, she hadn't gotten the impression they would have had time for such shenanigans when they'd all been busy killing each other.
Robin stood back, dusting off her hands. "Perhaps they planned to have it buried in dirt, but events interfered..." She shrugged, then turned towards where Luffy was standing indifferently, raising her voice. "I found it."
"Oh. That's good, Robin," he answered mechanically, scuffing his foot on the ground.
Robin paused, then continued more slowly, in a very measured tone, "Captain. I would prefer to stay here by myself."
He gave her a wary look under the strawhat brim, but said nothing.
"Er, Robin, are you sure about that…" Nami began, her voice dwindling down when Robin met her gaze calmly, nodding once.
"I think it would be easier for me," Robin continued, looking back at Luffy. "Can you let me?"
Luffy looked at her quietly for several seconds, then shook his head. "I can't leave you here alone," he said firmly.
"But..."
"I'm not going to let you be here by yourself!" snapped Luffy.
There was pain in Robin's face for a fleeting moment, but then her composure returned, her features smoothing out into a mask. She turned away, crossed her arms, and said nothing.
Zoro, getting closer to where Nami was standing, was scanning their surroundings with an intent gaze.
"There's something moving around here," he said. "Or someone..."
Luffy looked over at him, at the forest around them, eyes narrowing. But then he said, "Sanji."
"Mmhm?" said Sanji from a fair bit away, hands deep in pockets.
"You can stay here with Robin, right?"
Sanji blinked, then smiled. "Oh of course! No problem!" He glanced over at Robin. "If it's not a problem for Robin-honey?"
He's so careful, thought Nami. So cautious. He wouldn't normally be that careful. But now, it's like we're all walking on glass...
Robin raised her eyebrows in an expression of mild surprise that was more pleased than not-pleased.
"That is acceptable," she murmured.
Normally this would have put a worshipful heart in Sanji's eye, but now he just smiled at her fondly. In a way, it was a welcome restraint, and yet it ached in Nami to see it.
Luffy just nodded. "Okay," he said simply. "You'll catch up with us later, then."
And he turned away and started walking again, his fists clenched against his sides.
*
Sanji watched as Luffy and the others walked away, down into the valley below and under the trees. He kept smoking his cigarette with forced slowness.
As the crew first passed out of earshot, and then out of sight, something changed for him. The cloud of unreality that had been there since this morning lifted and dissolved. The trees and rocks around him, the grass, moss and stone underneath weren't going anywhere; weren't just illusory backdrops.
They really were here, after all.
He turned towards the overturned poneglyph rock. "Guess we'd better get this out of the way," he said, waving at the branches of the fallen tree that covered it.
"You don't have to do that," said Robin quietly.
"It's fine," said Sanji, happy to help. He lifted one of the branches and tossed it away.
"Really, you don't have to, it's not necessary–" Robin said, but Sanji just bent down to pick up another branch; it was really no trouble for him.
"Sanji!" said Robin sharply. "Leave it alone!"
Sanji jumped in surprise, letting go of the branch. It fell on his foot.
"R-robin-honey...?" he asked uncertainly.
Robin had crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't want to look at them," she said bitterly. "The hateful things."
Sanji gaped at her.
Robin turned, taking a few steps away from there.
"R-Robin..." Sanji's voice was shaky, now. He was still staring at her in disbelief that he'd really heard her correctly.
After a measured pause, Robin said, her voice smoother and her face held away from him, "I understand that we would have sailed here anyway, even without those things." She waved a dismissive hand over her shoulder towards the poneglyphs. "We would still have gone exploring, would still have been ambushed." She was quiet for a moment. "And... well," her voice turned brisker, "we would also still be here again by now, I suppose. There would be one reason less to return, but in the end, we – we would still be at a loss for an alternative."
"I believe that, too," said Sanji quietly.
Robin's voice dropped low. "I understand all that." He heard her swallow, then she went on in a thicker voice, "I do understand it. But." She took a few more steps away, still keeping her back towards Sanji, holding herself by the elbows. "I simply loathe the things. That's all." There was a faint tremble in her tone.
But doesn't that mean you hate yourself? wondered Sanji. I thought you'd learned better, by now. That we'd taught you better.
But he couldn't say that. It would only put more of a burden on her. So would all the other useless lines his mind offered up – besides, he was sure she'd already considered the meaning in them all before.
Thus, he didn't say, What about Ohara's legacy? or, He'd hate to have you feel that way, you know or So why did you stop here by the stone, then?. Besides, when he reflected he thought he had the answer to the last one: probably so she wouldn't upset Luffy and the others by not examining the stone in front of them. But at least it was clear why she'd wanted to stay back alone.
Instead of saying any of those things, Sanji took a deep puff on his cigarette and blew out the smoke slowly, letting it form a big question mark.
"All right," he said slowly. "Shall we..." Then he stopped himself.
Robin turned back, looking composed again. "Hm? What?" she said.
Sanji sighed, rubbing his forehead with his thumb. "Never mind, Robin-honey. I mean, uh... I was going to ask if we should go catch up to the others, but..."
"You don't really want to, do you?" Robin put her head to one side, looking understanding. She had just sat down on the fallen tree, her back to the poneglyph rock, in the shade of the top of the mountain.
"...Do you?"
Silence, then a small shrug. "Well. We agreed to come here," she said quietly. "I suppose we shouldn't leave all the dirty work to the others." But she made no move to get up.
"Right," he mumbled, "right, that makes sense..." And yet he sat himself down in the grass. "In a moment." When his legs felt stronger. He hadn't realised until this moment how bone-deep tired he was, as if he hadn't slept for days – no, for weeks.
And then they were both quiet for several minutes, just sitting there. Sanji close his eyes and breathed in the cigarette, but also the tropical air.
"It smells better now, here," he observed. "The air is fresher."
"True," Robin agreed. "Another thing I noted is that the inland wildlife seems calmer."
"I suppose so..." said Sanji vaguely. "You know, Robin-honey," he went on impulsively, not really knowing where he was going, "if he was here right now, I bet he'd start telling you some ridiculous shitty story to amuse you with. And ask you what you thought about something completely irrelevant, maybe show off a new invention or something. Anything to distract you with. And I'm not sure but I think you would laugh."
"Yes," said Robin, her voice thicker than before, "I think I probably would." After a brief pause, she added in a whisper, "Eventually."
"Because..." Sanji, picking distractedly at straws of grass, wasn't deliberating now, but just saying his thoughts as they came to him. There was too much in his head and he was too tired to be careful. "Because that's his way. We all have our different ways. And he would do that, if he couldn't just badger you. " He heard the open pain creep into his voice, but went on regardless, "And all the time what he'd mean by that is that things aren't too bad, he knows you can sort it out, and he trusts you completely." No, he wasn't up for using the past tense right now, dammit.
"Yes..." Robin's voice sounded less distant by now. More wistful. "And if that didn't work, he'd go back to badgering me. Because dreams are important."
Sanji looked at her quickly. "They are," he said. She only nodded.
He slumped, looking down at the grass and the handful of flowers, at ladybirds and honey-bees, feeling his throat grow tighter. "They are..." he repeated, shivering in the hot sun. A sob slipped out, wouldn't be pushed down. He blinked furiously but his cheeks turned wet even so.
"Shit," he muttered, wiping his face on his sleeves. "A-anyway." What had he been going to say? "Anyway, that's not what I can do, but..."
But Robin said quickly, "Maybe I don't want to find out the Lost History so much anymore."
Sanji's eyebrows rose again, but looking over at her, he found he didn't feel as alarmed by that as he might have thought. Somehow he got a clear feeling she didn't really mean this part. She just needed to say it.
"Maybe I don't want to find All Blue," he replied. There was an odd relief in saying that, even though he knew he didn't truly mean it either. Mostly, at least.
Robin said, more slowly and thoughtfully, "Maybe we won't get to do either of those things, anyway. If our captain gives up on his own dream."
Sanji looked up at her sharply. "You think he'd do that?"
"He might well," said Robin, meeting his worried gaze steadily. "I don't consider it out of the question. Do you?"
Once he remembers. And it couldn't be long now - might already have happened, in the green jungle below them. Sanji swallowed. "Shit. He might just." That thought had ran through his mind before, truth be told. Staring at the ground, he swore a little more, under his breath. "Dammit. That would piss Longnose off so badly," he muttered bleakly.
"Sanji?"
"Yes, Robin?" he said, his voice a little softer again.
"There's someone here."
*
Are they going down to the ship again? Luffy doesn't ask, doesn't stop to reflect or look around, his feet just go on mechanically. This was the way we came.
He's not completely out of it or disoriented; he knows they came up on the other side of the mountain just now. But that... that was the wrong way, not the way they'd come before. Last time. And there's something in him that desperately wants this to be the only way they came. That they only dreamed they were sailing on after this island, that they've been here all this time - no, not all this time, that they're back in the same day and there never was an ambush, they weren't baited or betrayed, the island not a hostile place -
Nami's eyes turn up in his memory all dark and serious and not backing down. ' Why do you say it’s a bad place? You’re the one insisting everything was just fine, that really bad happened! You're not the one to talk!'.
Luffy swallowed. He was right and he was wrong and everything was wrong and he didn't know anything anymore, except the abyss opening in front of him was bigger and bigger and he couldn't outrun it anymore.
One foot before the other. One more. Ignore the stubborn feeling he's being watched by someone not in the crew, because every time he looks up, there's nothing there. Ignore all the smells and the gaps under his feet and everything, everything...
And then he hears again that voice, the one he wants to think is his own, Sometimes I need to not be protected, okay?
and, Once there's five of us, we'll head for the Grand Line!
and, ... stop looking like you're dead! Stop breaking our hearts here, dammit!
Then there's a warm arm across his shoulder, the sense of someone else close by smiling with him, and it could be anyone in the crew, or it could be Ace or a couple of other people, but he knows it isn't, it doesn't fit, just like the voice in the dream of the gray nowhere-place. He stops in his tracks, doesn't notice if his crewmates are curious or not; he tries wrapping his arms around himself, but no matter how he hard he tries to pretend, he can't have four arms. He just can't. Nor does he have another shoulder he can lean his own arm on, as it should be –
And now he's on the ground, grabbing hold of the grass and panting heavily.
"It's all right, it's all right, I'm here," he mumbles, sweat rolling down his temples. "I'm here, I'm here, everybody's here, it's fine, it's ALL RIGHT!" His voice rises in a yell. (But under him, he can feel the dry grass and soil shifting, spreading out, getting thinner, holes opening up – )
"Luffy."
"Hey, Luffy..."
That's Zoro and Chopper, he registers vaguely. Luffy's head shoots up again, and in the next second, he's jumped to his feet.
"It's all right," he repeats in a softer tone. His face is tense and set again, even whiter than before: his body is shaking. "Let's hurry up."
*
Sanji jumped to his feet, spun around and quickly moved in front of Robin, facing the direction she was looking in. He saw a man standing under the trees, right where the edge of the forest met the mountainside. Still too far to make out his features or even much of his clothing, the man was looking straight at them. Having lit a new cigarette, Sanji put his hands in his pockets and eyed the newcomer closely, waiting for him to make the first move.
The man started to walk towards them at a slow pace. After he'd taken a few steps, Sanji narrowed his eyes and felt something cold, hard and sharp in his stomach. It was the man's clothes, not his features - still too far away to see clearly - that had jostled his memory. Not that there was anything very distinct about the grey-brown skirt, the grey-green trousers, the high brown boots and the faded blue belt; no, it was only that precise combination as worn on a man of medium height and short black hair that did it.
It had only been a few weeks, after all.
One more step, and then Robin said, quietly but without any doubt in her voice, "It is that man."
That was all the catalyst Sanji needed. He was off and running, not even slowing down at the point where he recognised the other man clearly and undeniably, but reached him in four seconds. The shithead didn't even have time to cry out or try to shield himself before Sanji had kicked him clear across the field, right into an alder tree. The tree swayed back and forth from the impact. Sanji put out his cigarette with his fingers, then stalked over to the tree. The man – still conscious, as Sanji had intended, which was why he'd held back a lot while kicking – was groaning and trying to sit up as Sanji hauled him upright by the collar, pushing him towards the tree's trunk. Robin walked up towards the two of them at a calmer pace.
Because this was the man – skinny, sinewy, maybe in his late thirties or early forties; with lines in his face as if he'd been kicked around by life a lot – that they had picked up in a rowboat hours before they even made land here the first time. The one who'd talked to them about medicinal herbs and poneglyphs, mumbled vaguely about dangerous animals without giving any kind of details; who'd appeared friendly and grateful and somewhat piteous, yet stubborn and cheerful enough to seem likable. Who had completely failed to mention a special battalion of expendable Marine soldiers lying hidden on the island, not to mention the size, strength, quantity and mean intelligence of the local Seakings.
And who had also vanished completely from the moment they were ambushed.
"What the hell are you still doing here, asshole?" snarled Sanji
"I–I live here…" the man managed weakly, drawing for breath despite Sanji's firm grip.
"Live here? In this godforsaken place?" Disbelievingly, Sanji pressed his thumb a little harder on the man's throat. "Tch. Serves you right, if so. Why didn't you stay out of our sight then, worm? How fucking stupid are you?"
"L-look, I came out here," wheezed the other man, "I'm not armed or anything–" He twitched as if trying to put his arms up, not that he could when pinned against the tree like this. Nor could he move his legs; Robin had already bloomed hands to help keep him firmly in place.
"So what?" spat Sanji. "Is that supposed to impress me? What, you've got some new sob story you think you can fool us with?"
"N-no–" said the man weakly, avoiding his eyes. But moments later, as Robin reached the two of them, he raised his head and his voice surged, turning frantic, "L-look, you don't understand, I'd been enslaved for five years, away from my family my people; they told me I'd be free if only I'd do this one thing for them, and then, and then my wife was careless when the Marines got here and they captured her and my d-daughter, don't you see I had to? You c-could have been the nicest and most innocent people in the world and I'd still have deceived you and worse–"
"Indeed?" said Robin coolly. "And how do we know that's not just another sob story, Mr. Tomasso?"
The man flinched and looked abashed, but muttered sullenly, "Th-that's not my name. That was just the slave name I was given. My real name's Ananshio."
Sanji exploded, hoisting the man up again. "Do you really think we fucking care what your shitty name is? Slave or not, why the hell do you think we'd ever be fine seeing your shitty face around, anywhere?" He let go of the alleged Ananshio as his face turned red from air loss, not quite trusting his own restraint. Robin quickly bloomed more arms to keep the man largely immobilised.
"W-well, I..." the man wheezed, once he'd gotten air back in his lungs. "...I guess I should have realised you'd still be too upset to listen, but... I just really need to talk to you... You guys, you..."
"We're not fine talking to you," Sanji snapped. He took out his cigarette, breathed out smoke, then inhaled again. "In fact, we're hardly even fine letting you still breathe, so don't push your luck, shithead."
"Wait, Sanji." Robin held up a hand. Turned towards Ananshio, she said coldly, "The only reason we would ever listen to you is if you know where the body of our crewmate is. If you do know that, reach your point and tell us right now. If you don't, kindly disappear from here and leave us alone."
Sanji nodded in agreement.
Ananshio looked back and forth from one to the other wildly. "B-but–!" Then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "You pirates..." He looked up, more force in his voice now, his face more determined. "...You've made my family, my people, this whole island and the waters around it several great, great services. There's nothing I don't owe you for that. Nothing." He drew breath again. "But," he went on in a shaky voice. "Part of what I owe you is the truth. And. And you need to be told the truth, you should be told, even if you d-don't think you want to hear it, right now."
There was a long silence.
Then Sanji cleared his throat. "Your people... What do you mean by that?" he said, voice more controlled now.
"I'm a merman," Ananshio explained, sounding slightly calmer. "Well – half anyway, they're my mother's people, but that's where I grew up... There used to be a large tribe of us in these waters. Most have left now since the slave raids kept increasing and the Seakings grew hostile to us – those who weren't killed or abducted, that is. But a handful's still here, including my wife and daughter. They stayed here all these last five years when I was a slave, instead of going somewhere safer." After a short moment, he added quietly, "And now, more can come back."
Sanji and Robin exchanged one long glance, she probably thinking the same as he did. Nami had spoken to the two of them – and to nobody else, yet – about the rumours of the merfolk that used to live near this island.
"Mr. Ananshio," said Robin finally, the honorific still clearly indicating distance rather than respect, "are you saying you belong to the tribe of local merfolk renowned for their healing abilities?"
Ananshio nodded. He seemed to find it easier to meet her gaze now. "Yeah. I do. But not all of us are skilled in healing. I'm not. The slavers were pretty disappointed in me for that." He smiled crookedly, bitterly, for just an instant. Then he added, "My wife is, though."
Sanji exhaled softly, feeling dizzy. He could have done with a tree to lean on himself, right then.
He didn't know how to proceed, and was more than a little afraid to. Legendary healers. And yet... looking at Ananshio's demeanour up until now, did it really look like someone bearing good news? Unless... no, Sanji couldn't guess at what the merman might possibly be playing at.
But he said nothing as Ananshio began talking again, going back to the events of that terrible day. And neither did Robin, still and silent and achingly beautiful where she stood. She didn't look as dizzy as Sanji felt; she wasn't shaking like Ananshio or faintly trembling like Sanji, but there was a certain blankness in her eyes that might mean she wasn't sure how to go on, either. And she looked far paler than usual.
Very matter-of-factly, as if determined not to make more excuses for himself, Ananshio related how he'd slipped away right after the Marines had ambushed them, just as they had suspected. He'd run down to the Marine base to free his wife and daughter, but only his wife was there. Their eight-year-old daughter had been taken to a more secret place at the heart of the island: the one where the Commander had retreated later, only for Luffy to follow him and bring him down.
"That's when the whistle was shattered," said Ananshio, his voice suddenly breaking into a harsh whisper. Sanji glanced at him in surprise. Ananshio cleared his throat, stared at the grass by his feet and went on, "For this island, that was the most important thing you did. But the most important thing you did for my family was right after that." He licked his lips and swallowed. "That's when you captain and your sniper discovered my daughter in the chaos, her arms bound so she couldn't even hop on her tail. They didn't just untie her, they also carried her to the nearest creek and told her to swim away to where it was calm." Robin had stopped restraining his arms, and now the merman looked at his hands as he turned them over and over.
"I'm not entirely sure what the Marines had planned," he said softly, "but probably they'd planned to sell her off for a high price. She'd have spent the rest of her life as some human's pet, for them to gawk at."
Robin finally moved, taking a step closer to the other two and crossing her arms. "Fine," she said briskly, fixing Ananshio steadily. "We understand. You feel a debt of gratitude to some people you've wronged. Such things happen. But why is this important to us, pray tell?"
"Um, ah, w-well," stammered Ananshio, pressing himself against the tree as if trying to back away from Robin's gaze. "S-see, my wife had left for her secret hide-out, she's got a bad leg and isn't good at running, so... and I ran to the shore, the, the one where your ship was, and then as I came out of the forest I saw the King of Seakings there, and p-p-people fighting by the rock, just tiny figures, and – and in the midst of the bay there she was, my daughter..."
He stopped, too shrill-voiced and breathless to continue. Sanji looked at him grimly.
"Stop beating around the bush, shithead," he growled. "We don't need to hear all this shit. She was there, right, and he fell down and maybe he fell into the water, and – then what? Enough." He poked the merman in the chest, hard enough to leave a mark. "Giving people false hope is a shitty way to repay them for favours, bastard. If it was good news you'd already have fucking told us by now." He was snarling by now, his face contorted.
He forced the rest of the words out, feeling them fall like salt stones from his mouth, heavily, bitterly. "Either you guys got to him far too late, or – or something else happened that you don't want to tell us. Like. If he survived, but there's something wrong with his brain. Which. Is. It?"
"I-I-Ah..." Ananshio licked his lips, then grabbed his face in his hands and cried out, "It's just not that simple!"
Then Robin stepped past Sanji, loosened her grip on the merman and used her own two normal hands to grab him by the collar and lift him up from the ground, tall as she was. Sometimes it was easy to forget that she was quite strong even without using her Devil Fruit power, Sanji thought admiringly. "I happen to agree," she said stiffly. "No more evasions and convoluted stories. It's clear now that you know one thing, at least. Where is he?"
The air went out of the merman. "I-uh– all right," he sighed, defeated. "You win, Nico Robin. I wanted to explain more, but... I'll take you two to where he is."
*
The crew go on downhill on the forest path, through the hot, verdant island. Bats and canaries pass them.
Luffy isn't there. Luffy's in Alabasta, on Whiskey Peak, in Cocoyashi village, on Skypiea, in Water 7... Everything glides past him, gliding too fast, shifting, running.
"...don't..." he mumbles. "It's... it's..." He wants to say, it's all right but he can't anymore, the words freeze on his tongue. "...it's what it is, but but, if I can be, if I can only be..." he babbles, not listening to himself, just needing to talk.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, I don't think so," he mumbles, and the thin thin veil remaining to him that lets him think he doesn't know why he's saying no, no, no is almost torn up, so very little left. The sky is a brilliant tropical blue above him. He can't even hide in gunsmoke...
And they walk.
*
He makes it as far as the third clearing. Then he stops. The others all freeze as well, silent behind him, around him.
His left arm starts trembling, trembling, until the whole of him is shivering uncontrollably.
"...it hurts..." he mumbles, clutching his hands, formed into fists to his chest and stomach. He bends over, soon crouching. "...Hurts..." Too much, too much, his face twisting in pain. "No, no, no, no, no..." he gasps weakly. Now he sinks onto the ground, slower this time, not getting up again. "No..." His fists are so tight they hurt, but it doesn't matter, that's not what's making it hard to breathe and see and think; that's a lighter kind of pain. He hugs his legs and starts rocking back and forth, letting out half-choking, half-keening wordless noises that's all he can say, all. No screams, no nothing, no words, just ragged breathing and the wordless, high-pitched, desperate sounds.
Everything, everything. All tumbling down on him, all the memories, images, sounds – too much, far too many, too varied and bright and shining and terrible – his head's not big enough to handle it, he can't take it, can't, can't...
But the road's run out for him. There's no place to hide anymore.
Because now he has a name to the gaping absence that's causing this vicious pain inside him. A name and a face and a voice and all these tumbling, charging memories filling him up,
finally much too strong to choke down or turn into something different.
It's Usopp.
Of course it is. Everything falls into place in his head, knocking down the false constructions, all fitting together horribly well.
It's Usopp, right there.
Who he met and fought along with and defeated that guy with the glasses for, who joined up with them so he could sail and laugh and fight and have fun; who loved the Going Merry even more than the rest of them did, who fought Luffy for real and left them and yet helped them when they were in grave trouble (and yes, it really was him with them all along; Luffy finally sees that now, feeling almost blinded by the razor-white clarity in his mind); who came back to be a part of them again. An amazing sniper, a clever inventor, a great friend; who could be very afraid and very brave and make up the best lies in the world and who knew there was no use to stuff if you weren't having fun. And like all his crewmates, he's infinitely important.
It's Usopp.
And Luffy didn't save him.
And now he's gone.
"Ah-ah-ah-ah…" he gasps, not able to get anything else out in between what feels like stabs to his chest.
He remembers now, all of it, the battle, the sea king, Nami's cry... the fall, the great wound, the blood. All of it.
He can't think of anything, anything, nothing. He realizes, now, why he didn't want to feel like Luffy anymore. The high-piercing noises he makes get even higher, louder, wilder; there are still no words. He can't say words.
There's movement behind him now, he registers dully. Then suddenly, Brook's voice.
"We don't all need to be here," says the musician in a low tone. "Mr Zoro, Miss Nami, you two stay here with him. The rest of us will wait for you down at the shore."
Luffy doesn't have the strength to object even if he wanted to. He doesn't even have strength left to think about it. Maybe he wants all of them gone. Maybe he needs all of them there. Maybe just Zoro and Nami is okay. He doesn't know. It doesn't matter. No.
He didn't save him.
And now he's gone.
- To be continued in Chapter 10: The Truth
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2011-04-09 03:29 pm (UTC)My brain's coming up with all sorts of wild theories about it now, including some sort of "soul forced from body for healing and it doesn't seem to be coming back" thing, which is me perhaps trying to put some sort of deeper meaning to the weird sensations of "another presence" that have been scattered through the story. But maybe that was just the merman/men at times. Or their imaginations. IDK, darnit. *impatient wiggle*
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Date: 2011-04-09 09:48 pm (UTC)My first intention when Zoro said he could tell someone was nearby was for him to sense the lurking Ananshio, but it may well be read in more than one way. Zoro can be very perceptive at times.
*is working on early drafts of the first scene in Chapter 10*
no subject
Date: 2011-04-12 10:16 pm (UTC)Very much looking forward to the next chapter!
(also, on possible error on the last part of part 1 - Brook refers to being there with his 8 crewmembers and I wasn't sure if you meant to include him IN that number in the sentence or if it should have been 7 instead.)
no subject
Date: 2011-04-13 10:19 am (UTC)But thank you very much! As the story goes on it feels more important than ever to keep everyone present and in character; so I'm very happy to hear it comes out that way. Luffy's parts in particular were intense to write. And thanks muchly for the nitpick, which was a brain-blip on my part; I've changed it to "seven", now.
Sorrow
Date: 2011-06-21 05:39 am (UTC)IT'S REALLY AWESOME. YOU ARE A GREAT WRITER. KEEP IT UP :)
Re: Sorrow
Date: 2011-06-21 09:18 pm (UTC)I've been working on chapter 10 and planning for chapter 11, but with a lot of apprehension, wondering if I can make it the way I'd like and if readers would care for it at all. Right now your comment feels very encouraging for that reason - it feels like you really got what I was trying to convey. I feel humbled and very grateful. Again, thank you.
Much begging and pleading for more I see
Date: 2011-08-04 03:34 am (UTC)