Absence, chapter 12
Dec. 6th, 2011 09:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rainsometimesForward-dated to avoid f-list clogging. This chapter is relatively short, but the next one will make up for it by being frigging huge. Betaed by the indefatigable ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
tonko_ni, but any remaining mistakes are my fault alone.
Title: Absence, chapter 12
Previous chapters: Chapter One here, fic tag here; the whole fic on AO3 here
Rating: PG for language and dark themes
Warning For major angst and sadness
Summary: Usopp has been killed in battle. The crew tries their best to cope with it.
Characters: Strawhats
Spoilers/setting: Despite being a divergent AU, spoilers up to and including chapter 598 (for everything that's not divergent)
DISCLAIMER: The characters and situations of One Piece were created by Eiichiro Oda and are owned by him and Shueisha Inc. They are used here without permission for entertainment purposes only. This fanfic will not be used for profit and ought not be reproduced anywhere without the author's approval.
Nami stared at Luffy, blinked, and stared again. Her thoughts felt sluggish, slow to respond, as she tried to make sense of what was happening. What had Luffy been doing, handling Kabuto and the bag that way, as if... as if his month-long delusion had been true after all? No... no, that couldn't be... But her mind felt dull and numb and so very, very slow. Like her legs had been slow and unsteady just now, as she had woozily stumbled out of the iced chamber to see what Luffy was up to.
She was still shivering, still shaken. That one little hope she'd tried hard not to have – it had still hurt when it got ripped out, more stubborn and deeper set than she had realised. Why else would there be mermaid healers there? a small, childish part of her had, somehow, persisted in thinking.
"Luffy," said Franky slowly, as he ducked under the doorway to exit the iced chamber; he'd been watching Luffy's stunt from there. "You haven't been practicing marksmanship somewhere in secret, have you?"
Luffy was still standing bent over, his hands on his knees, his breathing only slightly calmer than moments ago. He shook his head wildly in reply. "No," he said in an unsteady voice. "It wasn't like... it didn't feel like me shooting. I..." He looked up, his gaze catching Nami's. "You try it, too!" he said, pointing at the green Kabuto on the ground. "See if it's just me..."
Nami swallowed the words Why me? that had been on her tongue – Luffy was right, this needed to be tested on more people, and it might as well be her as someone else – and walked over to where her captain was, her legs still a mite wobbly. Maybe it wouldn't work on her, only on Luffy. Maybe she wasn't even supposed to touch it... She'd have to try anyway. They needed to know.
Luffy straightened up before she reached him, but he was still staring fixedly down at the weapon, arms crossed. Not wanting to drag it out, Nami quickly crouched down and grasped the green Kabuto.
"Ah–!" she gasped. At the touch, a charge leapt through her like a great wave, painless but overwhelming, flooding her entirely. "It's like – like electric!" she burst out, grammar forgotten. "But it doesn't hurt..." She normally doled out electricity rather than received it, but she had been hit by a number of lightningettes and static discharges during her stay on Weatheria.
"Oh," said Luffy, interested. "So that's what it's like?"
Nami felt her hand twitch in the direction of Usopp's bag, just a metre away from her. She’d seen Luffy grab the bag right away. Could she resist this impulse? With an effort of will, it turned out to be possible to pull her hand back and keep it still. So the urge was not completely irresistible, but still very strong, like an ingrained reflex. Like... well, like grabbing the ClimaTact in a moment of danger, in fact. It didn't feel right not to take the bag. When she decided to continue the test and reach for it, it was a big relief to give in to the urge.
A target. Need to find a target. The thought seemed like her own, in that the mental voice was hers, as usual. But the impulse behind it was not.
She looked around quickly, just like Luffy had before; but she found herself unwilling to just do what he'd done, whether aiming at a spot of moss or asking Zoro to provide another target. Too boring. She was aware that this remark didn't quite feel like her thought either, but there simply wasn't time to delve into the feeling further. She wanted to shoot something right now.
What to do... wait, couldn't she simply make her own targets?
"Sun Star!" she heard herself shouting as one of her hands dug into the bag and emerged with three small round things wrapped in grey cloth, held between her fingers. It was a bizarre feeling; she hadn't consciously looked for them, not knowing what the heck a "Sun Star" was nor, indeed, what those looked like. Her mouth and hand seemed to be working on their own. But there was no time to ponder it further; she had already aimed, drawn and let go, three projectiles flying and hitting three spots on the most distant cave wall. They made a simple, sunny pattern of small yellow circles.
"What good is that supposed to do?" Nami said, looking over at Franky for guidance. "It just seems to be regular paint!"
Franky shook his head and shrugged in ignorance. "Don't ask me. Must be new."
"To make things more festive, perhaps?" suggested Brook, picking an earhole pensively.
"Our walls do seem to become more colourful," commented Piriko, looking tranquilly at the yellow spots and the earlier stain from Luffy's Tabasco Star. Nisi giggled a little, eyes round and one hand over her mouth.
"Oh, well." Nami shrugged, one hand diving into her bag again. "Lead Star!" This time she had actually decided on the ammunition she wanted, but she still shouldn't have been able to find it by touch... and yet she did, with this one too. She aimed for the most distant yellow spot and let go, feeling exhilarated as the bullet went right where it was supposed to go. By now, her blood was pounding.
She lowered the Kabuto slowly, reluctantly, then turned her head to meet everyone's looks. Even Robin looked surprised. Zoro's face was half in shadow from where he stood, but for the rest, she saw the same stunned bewilderment she had felt when watching Luffy earlier (and half still felt, if she was honest). Bewilderment, and longing.
"It really did feel like my hands were moving by themselves," she said, then shrugged a bit awkwardly without quite knowing why. There was something strange about being as suggestible as Luffy, even under these very odd and special circumstances. "But not in a bad way. It felt... kind of cool." There was still a tingling feeling in her body. "Does anyone else want to try...?"
Zoro nodded immediately, crossing his arms and moving out of the shadow: his eye was intent intent though his face still looked gray and drawn. Franky's and Robin's nods were more cautious, and Brook's elegant bow-nod hard to read. But Sanji and Chopper showed the most open eagerness to try it out. As Sanji also happened to be standing closest to Nami right now, she threw him the bag and Kabuto both, one after the other. He caught it and took a step back, trembling. Clearly he too felt that same charge.
By now it seemed a foregone conclusion, but Nami couldn't look away as she watched Sanji hit one of her yellow marks and then hand the weapon over, pale and wide-eyed; crossing her arms against the slowly receding cold, Nami kept watching weapon and bag move from one crewmate to the other, all of them turning into expert marksmen on the spot, and all eerily accurate at finding the right ammunition immediately. Zoro broke what had become a pattern when he threw out one of the Pop Greens instead of aiming for a goal, but he took care of the giant meat-eating plant that came out of it right away. "Felt like cutting something", he said curtly as an explanation. Robin surprised Nami and seemed to shock herself as she let loose a Firebird Star at a spot of moss on the cave wall above the water, scorching it.
Finally, Brook let loose a Glue Star that ended up on the other side of the cave right above the chest that Piriko had retrieved her notebook from. ("You can use that for posting pictures on the wall," he said gracefully to the merfolk family.) As the last one to try out the Kabuto, he then sat down with the others in a loose circle, his hands trembling a little. He put the weapon and the bag right in front of Luffy.
Luffy was the one who spoke up first, putting into words what everyone had to be thinking.
"It's like there's a bit of Usopp in there," he said. He wasn't shaking anymore, but his hands were bunched into tight fists, and he held himself rigidly.
"Like it's possessed," Nami agreed in a low voice. "I didn't know that sort of thing could actually happen..."
"Me either," said Sanji, lighting a cigarette thoughtfully, face tired and drawn. "Thought that was just in shitty ghost stories." He paused, glancing at Luffy as he breathed out smoke. "Hey, Luffy. How come you picked it up to begin with? Did you just feel like it, or what?"
Luffy shook his head. "I was listening..." he said, still looking fixedly at Kabuto. "Usopp told us to listen, right?" he went on slowly, his voice sounding distant. Then finally he looked up, not just at Sanji but at all of them in turn. "So I did. And I heard this really small voice"– he showed with his fingers just how tiny it had sounded – "telling me to look for something in there." He nodded towards the iced chamber.
"Why the green Kabuto?" asked Robin.
Luffy shrugged, a small, oddly contained gesture. "It just felt right."
Chopper crossed his arms, hunching a little. "Does that mean this really is as it should be, then?" he wondered. "Not some kind of mistake?"
"I wonder that, too," said Brook, spinning his cane. "Is this what he wanted us to do all along?"
"Hard to say how we could know for sure," said Nami. She found herself reaching for Kabuto, feeling an urge to test it further. "Wait, I want to hold it again."
Zoro raised an eyebrow. "Hasn't it been tested enough by now?" But Luffy didn't object, so Nami ignored him.
This time, the sensation as she touched Kabuto was a lot milder; a low-powered charge that flowed up her arm in a tingle, through her shoulder and to a small spot right between her collarbones before it retreated, leaving a pleasant warmth behind. After a moment, she reached out with her other hand to touch the bag – but not lift it, only hold onto it – and found an answering vibration there.
As the tingles subsided, she remained highly aware of the shapes and presences of both objects. She wasn't overcome by the same strong desire to find a target and aim for it. And yet...
"Huh. I don't need to shoot it now, but it feels as if I could still hit whatever I aimed at, if I wanted to," she said wonderingly.
"So..." said Sanji slowly, blowing out smoke as he looked up at the distant patch of blue very high above them, "does that mean that the next time we're in battle, me or Nami-baby or anyone else in the crew would be able to use it against the enemy?"
"If it does, then – then that means we do have a sniper again!" Chopper burst out. Nami looked up at him sharply, and Chopper seemed to hear what he'd just said. He shrunk, his face scrunched up. "S-sort of," he mumbled in a small voice, looking down. "I – I don't mean really."
"No... I get what you mean," said Franky. He seemed to be deep in thought. "But," he added, "it wouldn't work with all things, like the cannons."
Or, Nami thought, things like on-the-spur strategies, tinkering with new inventions, ammunition-making... No, even if the Kabuto could work miracles, even just on the battle side there'd still be so much they'd never get back, let alone everything else that was gone.
"Whoever would hold Kabuto wouldn't have their hands free to fight in their usual way," Zoro pointed out, his tone quite neutral.
"That's right, too," said Luffy, his head to one side as he listened intently.
With an effort of will and a small sigh, Nami loosed her grip on Kabuto and gently put it back on the ground, then pushed the bag back towards Luffy again. She didn't want to let go of them, though she was also afraid of what might happen if she held on for them too long. The longer she held them, the more intensely she felt a comfortable, all too familiar Usopp-like presence; she did realise it might be partly due to wishful thinking and self-suggestion, but it was strong all the same and she'd done plenty of crying already today. "But for how long?" she wondered. "I mean, how long will it be... like this? Until Luffy becomes Pirate King?"
"That's what he'd want, I bet..." said Sanji in a low tone, lowering his head as he stubbed his cigarette against the ground. "Doesn't mean it'll turn out that way." Nami shivered at the gloom in his voice, hearing the hurt and tiredness behind it.
"Perhaps we're moving a bit too quickly," said Robin. She looked over at Ananshio, who was just helping Nisi put up a drawing on the gluey spot on the wall. "I'd like to know what our local 'soul-doctor' says about the situation." He didn't seem to hear her at first, so she sprouted a hand from the wall and poked at him in the shoulder after he'd finished. The merman jumped high; Nisi's eyes went big and wide.
"What is it, Nico Robin?" he asked after turning around, looking apprehensive.
"What are your thoughts on this new phenomenon?" asked Robin, gesturing at Kabuto and the bag. She clearly assumed Ananshio would have seen and heard enough not to need any more clarifying words. He didn't look too confused, either, as he trudged up to where the Strawhats were sitting. (His daughter trailed behind at first, hopping on her tail and crutches, but then her mother called her over from by the basin, and the two of them sat together there for a while, talking in low voices.)
Ananshio scratched his head. "Um... well... Can I hold it?" he asked, looking at Luffy before letting his gaze sweep across them all. "To be honest, this is all new for me, too..."
Nami exchanged glances with the others, seeing her own reluctance reflected in their faces. But in the end she couldn't think of a good reason to deny him. They wanted answers, after all. Neither could the others, apparently: after several long moments when no-one had spoken up, Luffy nodded. Ananshio stepped forward and picked up both the weapon and the bag. He took a step backwards at the touch, eyes widening, then slowly, carefully backed out and sat down directly outside the loose circle of pirates.
Unlike everyone in the crew, Ananshio did not immediately raise the Kabuto and start looking for targets to aim for. Instead he just turned the weapon over several times, as if wanting to gauge its weight or material. Then he carefully put in his lap and repeated the action with Usopp's bag.
"How strange it feels..." he said, not looking up yet. He let go of the bag and put both hands in his lap.
"You're not going to start shooting?" asked Luffy. Ananshio shook his head.
"I don't feel any urge to, like you all seemed to... Probably wouldn't do a good job." He paused, then took a deep breath and went on, turning to Luffy, "You're right, you know. There's a piece of his soul in there. It's anchored to the slingshot in almost the same way souls are anchored to living bodies. Well, not as tightly as that, but it's still similar..." He looked up at them, meeting Nami's eyes for a moment. "But it's only a piece of it. The rest is still free and unattached. I, I really had no idea souls could split themselves..." he mumbled.
"Yeah?" said Franky, glancing at the merman briefly. "I did."
"You too, Mr Franky?" said Brook. "I've long harboured such suspicions myself..."
Franky nodded distantly while Ananshio got up to put Kabuto and the bag back inside the seated circle. "Was thinking about Going Merry," he said softly. Brook settled back respectfully; he'd heard enough stories about their old ship by now to have a good idea of what she meant to the others.
"I was there at her funeral," Franky went on; "I'm super-sure her spirit is at peace. But later, when I built you guys the Sunny... with some help from Iceburg and his folks..." he allowed, "...I just got this feeling couple of times, late at night under the moon, that there was something there in the wood, y'know? Just... something or someone already there, even if it was pretty faint. So. I figured, hey, maybe it was a part of Merry's spirit that had found its way there. Just to help Sunny be the great ship it should be."
There were a few moments' silence as everyone took this in, mulling it over.
"If you're right," said Robin, an unusual soft smile on her face, "then... perhaps she knew before she'd be able to do that, and that might have made it easier for her to leave. Knowing we'd be in good hands when it came to getting a new ship, with shipwrights like you and Iceburg around."
Brook hummed in thoughtful assent, melodious when coming from him. Shifting his legs around, he said, "As for me, I've long had a strong feeling that my old crew still sails with me. It... used to be both a comfort and a burden, to be quite frank, because I wasn't sure they were at rest... But after we buried their bones in West Blue soil on Thriller Bark, I lost that fear. However, I still think the tone dial I carry holds more than their voices alone."
He raised one hand towards his skull, but instead of opening it and taking out said tone dial, he stopped himself, hand hovering in air. Then he leaned his long torso forward and took hold of Kabuto, clasping it towards his chest and breathing slowly. After a little while he raised one hand to his face again, but only to wipe it dry with his sleeve. "Ah... my apologies," he murmured faintly. "I didn't..." He loosened his grip of the Kabuto, putting it in his lap. "It just... I only felt like handling it for a few seconds."
Zoro cleared his throat. He wasn't looking directly at anyone, only into the air. There was a strange smile on his face. Not forced or bitter, but also with little true warmth; to Nami, it looked thin and lost, and as distant as if he'd been smiling somewhere else, to someone who wasn't there to see it.
"He's forcing our hands, you know," he murmured. In his lap, he held onto that one sword of his that he cherished the most, the one with the white scabbard. "With him doing something like this, it's pretty hard for us not to use the weapon the way he wants us to. Right? Throwing away a gift like that would be something you couldn't forgive."
Although there was no naked pain in his voice, something about it together with the forced lightness of his smile made Nami's stomach twist, watching him. Zoro, Zoro, I know you'll try to go on until there's nothing more to go with, but please try to remember you're not actually a rock.
As Brook finally let go of Kabuto, his movements looking as reluctant as Nami had been, Luffy reached out and took it back. He closed his eyes for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, you're right, Nami. It's calmer now."
"He does seem to be in a very good mood," observed Ananshio.
Luffy pulled his knees up, hugging them. He kept turning Kabuto over, letting it wander from one hand to the other. "He really does want to stay with us," he said slowly. "To keep sailing with us. And fighting. Even if it's only a part of him. But…" Gently, he put the weapon down right next to him, his other hand trailing circles on the stony ground. "I don't know…" His voice was smaller now, a little hoarse around the edges. "…I don't know if I can do what he told us. To keep laughing , singing, dancing. That." He stared out in the air, blinking, his hands closed into fists in his lap. "I don't know if I can do that anymore."
Nami watched him closely. At least, she thought, he was no longer saying he couldn't be a captain anymore, or that he couldn't strive to become the Pirate King. Somehow he seemed to have taken back the mantle of authority and his hold on his dream during the last couple of hours. But they both seemed a burden to him right now, weighing him down rather than giving him joy.
"That ain't good enough, Luffy."
Everyone turned their heads to look at Franky, who'd spoken up so abruptly. The cyborg wasn't looking at anyone, though. Keeping his large arms crossed, he kept his eyes fixed on the floor as he continued. "Just keeping on with things out of duty ain't the way to go on about it," he said roughly. Me, I've had enough of that kinda crap. If we don't do this wholeheartedly and put all we've got on the line… what's the point? That's not how we do stuff, is it? If something's worth doing, it's worth doing with a DON. And if we're not... that ain't gonna be enough to make 'im happy, either."
He paused, then after several more seconds he muttered, "I say that, but I feel the same way as you. I'm not feelin' fine enough that I could go back to living wholeheartedly, either. Not yet." Then he snapped his fingers on the left side of his chest, making a faint metallic sound. "Hurts too much, in there."
Robin nodded slowly, shifting position where she sat. "It does hurt," she said. A melancholy smile tugged at her lips. "But I do think that is still better than feeling nothing at all."
She continued briskly, before anyone else started to reply, "Anyway, I was thinking... eventually, we shall run out of ammunition for Kabuto. We couldn't hope to recreate his arsenal exactly, but I and Chopper have some knowledge of herbs and plants in different ways, and Franky knows explosives and chemicals. Perhaps the three of us could join forces and try our best?"
"Uh... Um..." Chopper looked stunned. But then he straightened up and tugged on his hat in a Luffylike fashion, eyes full of determination. "I never thought I could make something like that –but I'll try! We can try together!"
Franky swallowed audibly. He looked down and hid his face in one of his huge hands for a moment, knuckles towards his forehead. When he looked up again he'd put his shades back on and was attempting a pale imitation of his normal flashy grin. "Sure, babe. Between the three of us, we should be able to cook up some cool ammo that works for us." His smile faltered. "Like you said, it ain't gonna be the same, though."
"Nothing's going to be the same," Nami heard herself saying. She was staring at the cave floor, not seeing much. Her voice sounded bleak even to her own ears.
She waved towards Kabuto and bag without raising her head to look at it. "This is–" great, amazing, a miracle: the words were there in her mind but wouldn't come up through her suddenly much thicker throat, and she had to swallow hard – "is, is, not something we could ever turn our back on."
Her voice sounded positively froglike by now. Coughing to clear her throat, she pulled up her knees and leaned forward, feeling cold again to the point of shivering. "B-but," she stuttered, "but th-there's so much it c-can't do, so much of him we won't get back. We get a, a part of him back" –that he trusts us with, so he can keep fighting with us; and she was truly grateful, she was– "and, and that's great that we get that much, hardly anyone else ever gets that much… But most of him's still going to leave us. Tomorrow," she finished in a loud whisper. "If we have the funeral then." Not today, surely the others too could see it was far too late in the day by now, even if they weren't as bonecrushingly tired as she was.
"We have to, don't we?" said Luffy simply. Nami looked up. He sat up straighter now, on his haunches, elbows resting on his thighs. "We should have it then. Now that we're all here."
And he was holding Kabuto again, grasping it tighter as he spoke, making it clear to her just how inclusive that "all" was.
Sanji had finished his cigarette and fished out a new one, but wasn't lighting it, just sat there bent forward holding his elbows. "Earth burial, right?" he said tightly. "It's the normal way for islanders in East Blue." He raised his head and looked at her and the others. "Unless someone's heard differently, like if he ever said something...?" Nami shook her head, hugging her knees tighter at another flash of pain went through her. No-one else had ever heard any wish on that subject, either.
"Then... I guess I'll be the one to build a coffin," Franky said in a thick and extremely gruff voice, arms crossed and head held low. He seemed to wait for some confirmation; Luffy only nodded. "Yeah," said Zoro shortly.
Nami was startled by a cough behind her back and whipped her head around to see Ananshio there. He'd gotten up a while ago to attend to something further down the cave. Now he was evidently back.
"If you want to, you're all welcome to spend the night here," he said. "I'm sure we have enough bedrolls and blankets in our stash. Used to be that whole families in the tribe would hide here when the slavers came."
"I wouldn't mind... we already have bedrolls in our packs, though," said Nami. She felt frankly relieved at the thought of staying put until morning. Sleeping on the Sunny was always homey, comfortable (barring storms) and reassuring, but she hadn't been looking forward to them having to take turns going there by the submarine, perhaps not arriving until after dark. And then they'd still have to return to the cave in the morning – that, or bring Usopp's body back onto the Sunny tonight.
She hoped no-one would have any serious objections to staying. But looking at the others, she couldn't see any open reluctance.
"Well..." said Sanji, "as long as it's all right with Madame Piriko..." Turning his head, he frowned, then his eyebrows shot up. "Say, where is she, anyway? And the little one?"
"Oh, they went to catch dinner," said Ananshio, waving towards the water basin that was connected to the sea. "We figured we ought to do our best to feed you."
There was a rumble from Luffy's stomach. He actually looked surprised.
"You need to eat, Luffy," said Sanji with a weary, fleeting smile. Which seemed like a bizarre thing for anyone to have to say – but then Nami recalled how she had also had to remind Luffy of the fact, back in the clearing. "So, we're staying, right?" Sanji added.
Luffy nodded. "I don't mind, either," he said, shrugging a little. He leaned Kabuto carefully against the bag before letting go. Then he drew a very heavy sigh, swallowed, and got up on his feet. He rubbed his neck and twisted it back and forth a few times; apparently he'd gotten a crick in it from putting his head to one side for so long.
Nami also got up. Looked like the council was over for now, then. Not that the outcome hadn't been pretty much decided from the start – like Zoro had said, their hands had already been forced. Talking had been more about trying to figure out what had happened and say what they felt about it, rather than making a decision. Or at least that's how it seemed to her now.
Something was still nagging at the back of her head, but it wasn’t until ten minutes later that it emerged. By then she and Robin had gone for a walk just a little bit up the mountain path on the inland way that Robin and Sanji had come here. Each had a pail to fill up with water from the small creek with fresh water that ran there, going into the wall again before the path reached the cave.
Just because someone's reaching out to you with a great gift doesn't mean you're strong enough to accept it. That was what rang in her mind as she crouched by the creek to drink the cold, fresh water from cupped hands that were suddenly shaking again. Robin was standing beside her holding up a torch: the wavering light reflected on the rushing water, too fast to make true mirror images.
That was it. She remembered another truly great gift, one of survival and parental claim at the same time, given to her and her sister on one terrible day over ten years ago. That had taken a very long time to accept.
The besouled Kabuto was more than a gift, a great honour, and a miracle; more than a truly heartfelt last wish. It was also a challenge. To make ourselves deep and large and wide enough to contain him. To be strong enough to accept all the weight the gift carries as he tries to help us keep strong. Together for as long as the road would allow them. Could they do that? Could they live up to that challenge?
We will simply have to, she thought, and the clear lucid knowledge brought its own little sigh of relief. The aching weight she felt didn't go away, but still the clarity helped her: they would just have to. That was all. They couldn't reject it and remain themselves.
She rocked back on her heels and lowered the pail into the small stream, Robin waiting patiently beside her. Nami filled the pail and got up on her feet, watching the pattern of minerals on the walls around them, some dull, others glittering in the torchlight. Nothing to think about, in the end.
They were who they were. So they had to.
*
Towards the end of dinner, Piriko cautiously asked the pirates if they had any particular arrangements in mind in order to prepare for the next day, and made clear that she and her husband wouldn't mind helping out, if so.
After a pause, Robin said slowly, "Are you asking us whether we plan to wash him and wrap him up?"
Piriko nodded gently. Robin looked down at the table, then swallowed and said, her voice sounding thinner now, "I... I had assumed we were going to do that." She looked up at the others. "Unless someone disagrees...?"
Luffy and the rest of them shook their heads, most looking taken aback and a bit daunted yet very clear that they would not need assistance from the helpful merfolk in this.
"I – I know how to do that." Chopper looked pale, but raised his chin in determination. "A few times when we couldn't save a patient and there weren't any close relatives, Doctorine would do it."
Robin looked over at him with a tiny smile. "I can help you," she said, her voice warmer now. "I have some knowledge in the area as well." She didn't go into how she had acquired such knowledge.
Nami started to say that she could help, too, but Robin shook her head gently and Sanji urged her to just take it easy and rest now. "You've done enough work getting us all here, Nami-baby," he insisted.
"Yeah, you look way tired," said Luffy bluntly, stretching out with a spoon to take the last of Chopper's casserole. "Like you could fall over any minute."
"I do not!" Nami objected testily, but the words sounded more like a reflex than anything else.
"I'll help." That was Zoro. "I know how to do it." He put the mug he'd been drinking from down, looking very determined despite the rings under his eyes and the unhealthy colour of his skin.
Chopper opened his mouth as if he wanted to point out that Zoro looked exceedingly tired as well, but then he snapped it shut again. "If you really want to," he mumbled, looking away. Luffy, too, only widened his eyes a bit, then nodded and sat back. "Okay."
"I'll go get the sheet," Zoro announced, getting up from the table.
Chopper nodded, rising to his feet as well and switching into Heavy Point to get human hands. "We should start right away. It's getting late." Ananshio gave him a pail full of warm water, while Piriko handed over a pile of towels to Robin. Zoro had just finished digging out the white sheet he'd brought from the ship when Luffy also stood up and said, "Wait."
Then he went over to the curtain of hanging moss, lifted it aside and opened the door under it into the small iced room, which was already a little warmer. Slowly and gently, he coaxed the blue-and-white armband off of Usopp's left arm. It was cold and stiff. He stood there for a few more seconds, then went out, hat pushed down well over his eyes.
Later, as they prepared the bedrolls and sleeping bags, he put the cold armband under his pillow so it would warm up until morning.
*
An hour later, everyone finished with their tasks and went to bed. The lights were blown out and switched off. There were typical little night-time noises from everyone, but other sounds around them were different: the distant sound of waves against rocks was muffled with subterranean echoes, and now one could hear the trill of the mountain creek in the path leading down to the cave that wasn't noticed before.
Some of them fell asleep almost as soon as their heads hit the pillow, being completely wrung-out and exhausted from the events of the day. Others stayed awake for far longer, staring out into the dense blackness, or drifted in and out of shallow, uncertain sleep. But by midnight they had all sunk deeply into sleep. First to a pure dreamless floating; then, after dwelling in that rest, strengthened by it, they were all stirred, prodded, drawn to move from there, finding themselves in the innermost reaches of dream country.
- End of chapter 12.
To be continued in chapter 13 part 1
tonko_ni, but any remaining mistakes are my fault alone.Title: Absence, chapter 12
Previous chapters: Chapter One here, fic tag here; the whole fic on AO3 here
Rating: PG for language and dark themes
Warning For major angst and sadness
Summary: Usopp has been killed in battle. The crew tries their best to cope with it.
Characters: Strawhats
Spoilers/setting: Despite being a divergent AU, spoilers up to and including chapter 598 (for everything that's not divergent)
DISCLAIMER: The characters and situations of One Piece were created by Eiichiro Oda and are owned by him and Shueisha Inc. They are used here without permission for entertainment purposes only. This fanfic will not be used for profit and ought not be reproduced anywhere without the author's approval.
Nami stared at Luffy, blinked, and stared again. Her thoughts felt sluggish, slow to respond, as she tried to make sense of what was happening. What had Luffy been doing, handling Kabuto and the bag that way, as if... as if his month-long delusion had been true after all? No... no, that couldn't be... But her mind felt dull and numb and so very, very slow. Like her legs had been slow and unsteady just now, as she had woozily stumbled out of the iced chamber to see what Luffy was up to.
She was still shivering, still shaken. That one little hope she'd tried hard not to have – it had still hurt when it got ripped out, more stubborn and deeper set than she had realised. Why else would there be mermaid healers there? a small, childish part of her had, somehow, persisted in thinking.
"Luffy," said Franky slowly, as he ducked under the doorway to exit the iced chamber; he'd been watching Luffy's stunt from there. "You haven't been practicing marksmanship somewhere in secret, have you?"
Luffy was still standing bent over, his hands on his knees, his breathing only slightly calmer than moments ago. He shook his head wildly in reply. "No," he said in an unsteady voice. "It wasn't like... it didn't feel like me shooting. I..." He looked up, his gaze catching Nami's. "You try it, too!" he said, pointing at the green Kabuto on the ground. "See if it's just me..."
Nami swallowed the words Why me? that had been on her tongue – Luffy was right, this needed to be tested on more people, and it might as well be her as someone else – and walked over to where her captain was, her legs still a mite wobbly. Maybe it wouldn't work on her, only on Luffy. Maybe she wasn't even supposed to touch it... She'd have to try anyway. They needed to know.
Luffy straightened up before she reached him, but he was still staring fixedly down at the weapon, arms crossed. Not wanting to drag it out, Nami quickly crouched down and grasped the green Kabuto.
"Ah–!" she gasped. At the touch, a charge leapt through her like a great wave, painless but overwhelming, flooding her entirely. "It's like – like electric!" she burst out, grammar forgotten. "But it doesn't hurt..." She normally doled out electricity rather than received it, but she had been hit by a number of lightningettes and static discharges during her stay on Weatheria.
"Oh," said Luffy, interested. "So that's what it's like?"
Nami felt her hand twitch in the direction of Usopp's bag, just a metre away from her. She’d seen Luffy grab the bag right away. Could she resist this impulse? With an effort of will, it turned out to be possible to pull her hand back and keep it still. So the urge was not completely irresistible, but still very strong, like an ingrained reflex. Like... well, like grabbing the ClimaTact in a moment of danger, in fact. It didn't feel right not to take the bag. When she decided to continue the test and reach for it, it was a big relief to give in to the urge.
A target. Need to find a target. The thought seemed like her own, in that the mental voice was hers, as usual. But the impulse behind it was not.
She looked around quickly, just like Luffy had before; but she found herself unwilling to just do what he'd done, whether aiming at a spot of moss or asking Zoro to provide another target. Too boring. She was aware that this remark didn't quite feel like her thought either, but there simply wasn't time to delve into the feeling further. She wanted to shoot something right now.
What to do... wait, couldn't she simply make her own targets?
"Sun Star!" she heard herself shouting as one of her hands dug into the bag and emerged with three small round things wrapped in grey cloth, held between her fingers. It was a bizarre feeling; she hadn't consciously looked for them, not knowing what the heck a "Sun Star" was nor, indeed, what those looked like. Her mouth and hand seemed to be working on their own. But there was no time to ponder it further; she had already aimed, drawn and let go, three projectiles flying and hitting three spots on the most distant cave wall. They made a simple, sunny pattern of small yellow circles.
"What good is that supposed to do?" Nami said, looking over at Franky for guidance. "It just seems to be regular paint!"
Franky shook his head and shrugged in ignorance. "Don't ask me. Must be new."
"To make things more festive, perhaps?" suggested Brook, picking an earhole pensively.
"Our walls do seem to become more colourful," commented Piriko, looking tranquilly at the yellow spots and the earlier stain from Luffy's Tabasco Star. Nisi giggled a little, eyes round and one hand over her mouth.
"Oh, well." Nami shrugged, one hand diving into her bag again. "Lead Star!" This time she had actually decided on the ammunition she wanted, but she still shouldn't have been able to find it by touch... and yet she did, with this one too. She aimed for the most distant yellow spot and let go, feeling exhilarated as the bullet went right where it was supposed to go. By now, her blood was pounding.
She lowered the Kabuto slowly, reluctantly, then turned her head to meet everyone's looks. Even Robin looked surprised. Zoro's face was half in shadow from where he stood, but for the rest, she saw the same stunned bewilderment she had felt when watching Luffy earlier (and half still felt, if she was honest). Bewilderment, and longing.
"It really did feel like my hands were moving by themselves," she said, then shrugged a bit awkwardly without quite knowing why. There was something strange about being as suggestible as Luffy, even under these very odd and special circumstances. "But not in a bad way. It felt... kind of cool." There was still a tingling feeling in her body. "Does anyone else want to try...?"
Zoro nodded immediately, crossing his arms and moving out of the shadow: his eye was intent intent though his face still looked gray and drawn. Franky's and Robin's nods were more cautious, and Brook's elegant bow-nod hard to read. But Sanji and Chopper showed the most open eagerness to try it out. As Sanji also happened to be standing closest to Nami right now, she threw him the bag and Kabuto both, one after the other. He caught it and took a step back, trembling. Clearly he too felt that same charge.
By now it seemed a foregone conclusion, but Nami couldn't look away as she watched Sanji hit one of her yellow marks and then hand the weapon over, pale and wide-eyed; crossing her arms against the slowly receding cold, Nami kept watching weapon and bag move from one crewmate to the other, all of them turning into expert marksmen on the spot, and all eerily accurate at finding the right ammunition immediately. Zoro broke what had become a pattern when he threw out one of the Pop Greens instead of aiming for a goal, but he took care of the giant meat-eating plant that came out of it right away. "Felt like cutting something", he said curtly as an explanation. Robin surprised Nami and seemed to shock herself as she let loose a Firebird Star at a spot of moss on the cave wall above the water, scorching it.
Finally, Brook let loose a Glue Star that ended up on the other side of the cave right above the chest that Piriko had retrieved her notebook from. ("You can use that for posting pictures on the wall," he said gracefully to the merfolk family.) As the last one to try out the Kabuto, he then sat down with the others in a loose circle, his hands trembling a little. He put the weapon and the bag right in front of Luffy.
Luffy was the one who spoke up first, putting into words what everyone had to be thinking.
"It's like there's a bit of Usopp in there," he said. He wasn't shaking anymore, but his hands were bunched into tight fists, and he held himself rigidly.
"Like it's possessed," Nami agreed in a low voice. "I didn't know that sort of thing could actually happen..."
"Me either," said Sanji, lighting a cigarette thoughtfully, face tired and drawn. "Thought that was just in shitty ghost stories." He paused, glancing at Luffy as he breathed out smoke. "Hey, Luffy. How come you picked it up to begin with? Did you just feel like it, or what?"
Luffy shook his head. "I was listening..." he said, still looking fixedly at Kabuto. "Usopp told us to listen, right?" he went on slowly, his voice sounding distant. Then finally he looked up, not just at Sanji but at all of them in turn. "So I did. And I heard this really small voice"– he showed with his fingers just how tiny it had sounded – "telling me to look for something in there." He nodded towards the iced chamber.
"Why the green Kabuto?" asked Robin.
Luffy shrugged, a small, oddly contained gesture. "It just felt right."
Chopper crossed his arms, hunching a little. "Does that mean this really is as it should be, then?" he wondered. "Not some kind of mistake?"
"I wonder that, too," said Brook, spinning his cane. "Is this what he wanted us to do all along?"
"Hard to say how we could know for sure," said Nami. She found herself reaching for Kabuto, feeling an urge to test it further. "Wait, I want to hold it again."
Zoro raised an eyebrow. "Hasn't it been tested enough by now?" But Luffy didn't object, so Nami ignored him.
This time, the sensation as she touched Kabuto was a lot milder; a low-powered charge that flowed up her arm in a tingle, through her shoulder and to a small spot right between her collarbones before it retreated, leaving a pleasant warmth behind. After a moment, she reached out with her other hand to touch the bag – but not lift it, only hold onto it – and found an answering vibration there.
As the tingles subsided, she remained highly aware of the shapes and presences of both objects. She wasn't overcome by the same strong desire to find a target and aim for it. And yet...
"Huh. I don't need to shoot it now, but it feels as if I could still hit whatever I aimed at, if I wanted to," she said wonderingly.
"So..." said Sanji slowly, blowing out smoke as he looked up at the distant patch of blue very high above them, "does that mean that the next time we're in battle, me or Nami-baby or anyone else in the crew would be able to use it against the enemy?"
"If it does, then – then that means we do have a sniper again!" Chopper burst out. Nami looked up at him sharply, and Chopper seemed to hear what he'd just said. He shrunk, his face scrunched up. "S-sort of," he mumbled in a small voice, looking down. "I – I don't mean really."
"No... I get what you mean," said Franky. He seemed to be deep in thought. "But," he added, "it wouldn't work with all things, like the cannons."
Or, Nami thought, things like on-the-spur strategies, tinkering with new inventions, ammunition-making... No, even if the Kabuto could work miracles, even just on the battle side there'd still be so much they'd never get back, let alone everything else that was gone.
"Whoever would hold Kabuto wouldn't have their hands free to fight in their usual way," Zoro pointed out, his tone quite neutral.
"That's right, too," said Luffy, his head to one side as he listened intently.
With an effort of will and a small sigh, Nami loosed her grip on Kabuto and gently put it back on the ground, then pushed the bag back towards Luffy again. She didn't want to let go of them, though she was also afraid of what might happen if she held on for them too long. The longer she held them, the more intensely she felt a comfortable, all too familiar Usopp-like presence; she did realise it might be partly due to wishful thinking and self-suggestion, but it was strong all the same and she'd done plenty of crying already today. "But for how long?" she wondered. "I mean, how long will it be... like this? Until Luffy becomes Pirate King?"
"That's what he'd want, I bet..." said Sanji in a low tone, lowering his head as he stubbed his cigarette against the ground. "Doesn't mean it'll turn out that way." Nami shivered at the gloom in his voice, hearing the hurt and tiredness behind it.
"Perhaps we're moving a bit too quickly," said Robin. She looked over at Ananshio, who was just helping Nisi put up a drawing on the gluey spot on the wall. "I'd like to know what our local 'soul-doctor' says about the situation." He didn't seem to hear her at first, so she sprouted a hand from the wall and poked at him in the shoulder after he'd finished. The merman jumped high; Nisi's eyes went big and wide.
"What is it, Nico Robin?" he asked after turning around, looking apprehensive.
"What are your thoughts on this new phenomenon?" asked Robin, gesturing at Kabuto and the bag. She clearly assumed Ananshio would have seen and heard enough not to need any more clarifying words. He didn't look too confused, either, as he trudged up to where the Strawhats were sitting. (His daughter trailed behind at first, hopping on her tail and crutches, but then her mother called her over from by the basin, and the two of them sat together there for a while, talking in low voices.)
Ananshio scratched his head. "Um... well... Can I hold it?" he asked, looking at Luffy before letting his gaze sweep across them all. "To be honest, this is all new for me, too..."
Nami exchanged glances with the others, seeing her own reluctance reflected in their faces. But in the end she couldn't think of a good reason to deny him. They wanted answers, after all. Neither could the others, apparently: after several long moments when no-one had spoken up, Luffy nodded. Ananshio stepped forward and picked up both the weapon and the bag. He took a step backwards at the touch, eyes widening, then slowly, carefully backed out and sat down directly outside the loose circle of pirates.
Unlike everyone in the crew, Ananshio did not immediately raise the Kabuto and start looking for targets to aim for. Instead he just turned the weapon over several times, as if wanting to gauge its weight or material. Then he carefully put in his lap and repeated the action with Usopp's bag.
"How strange it feels..." he said, not looking up yet. He let go of the bag and put both hands in his lap.
"You're not going to start shooting?" asked Luffy. Ananshio shook his head.
"I don't feel any urge to, like you all seemed to... Probably wouldn't do a good job." He paused, then took a deep breath and went on, turning to Luffy, "You're right, you know. There's a piece of his soul in there. It's anchored to the slingshot in almost the same way souls are anchored to living bodies. Well, not as tightly as that, but it's still similar..." He looked up at them, meeting Nami's eyes for a moment. "But it's only a piece of it. The rest is still free and unattached. I, I really had no idea souls could split themselves..." he mumbled.
"Yeah?" said Franky, glancing at the merman briefly. "I did."
"You too, Mr Franky?" said Brook. "I've long harboured such suspicions myself..."
Franky nodded distantly while Ananshio got up to put Kabuto and the bag back inside the seated circle. "Was thinking about Going Merry," he said softly. Brook settled back respectfully; he'd heard enough stories about their old ship by now to have a good idea of what she meant to the others.
"I was there at her funeral," Franky went on; "I'm super-sure her spirit is at peace. But later, when I built you guys the Sunny... with some help from Iceburg and his folks..." he allowed, "...I just got this feeling couple of times, late at night under the moon, that there was something there in the wood, y'know? Just... something or someone already there, even if it was pretty faint. So. I figured, hey, maybe it was a part of Merry's spirit that had found its way there. Just to help Sunny be the great ship it should be."
There were a few moments' silence as everyone took this in, mulling it over.
"If you're right," said Robin, an unusual soft smile on her face, "then... perhaps she knew before she'd be able to do that, and that might have made it easier for her to leave. Knowing we'd be in good hands when it came to getting a new ship, with shipwrights like you and Iceburg around."
Brook hummed in thoughtful assent, melodious when coming from him. Shifting his legs around, he said, "As for me, I've long had a strong feeling that my old crew still sails with me. It... used to be both a comfort and a burden, to be quite frank, because I wasn't sure they were at rest... But after we buried their bones in West Blue soil on Thriller Bark, I lost that fear. However, I still think the tone dial I carry holds more than their voices alone."
He raised one hand towards his skull, but instead of opening it and taking out said tone dial, he stopped himself, hand hovering in air. Then he leaned his long torso forward and took hold of Kabuto, clasping it towards his chest and breathing slowly. After a little while he raised one hand to his face again, but only to wipe it dry with his sleeve. "Ah... my apologies," he murmured faintly. "I didn't..." He loosened his grip of the Kabuto, putting it in his lap. "It just... I only felt like handling it for a few seconds."
Zoro cleared his throat. He wasn't looking directly at anyone, only into the air. There was a strange smile on his face. Not forced or bitter, but also with little true warmth; to Nami, it looked thin and lost, and as distant as if he'd been smiling somewhere else, to someone who wasn't there to see it.
"He's forcing our hands, you know," he murmured. In his lap, he held onto that one sword of his that he cherished the most, the one with the white scabbard. "With him doing something like this, it's pretty hard for us not to use the weapon the way he wants us to. Right? Throwing away a gift like that would be something you couldn't forgive."
Although there was no naked pain in his voice, something about it together with the forced lightness of his smile made Nami's stomach twist, watching him. Zoro, Zoro, I know you'll try to go on until there's nothing more to go with, but please try to remember you're not actually a rock.
As Brook finally let go of Kabuto, his movements looking as reluctant as Nami had been, Luffy reached out and took it back. He closed his eyes for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, you're right, Nami. It's calmer now."
"He does seem to be in a very good mood," observed Ananshio.
Luffy pulled his knees up, hugging them. He kept turning Kabuto over, letting it wander from one hand to the other. "He really does want to stay with us," he said slowly. "To keep sailing with us. And fighting. Even if it's only a part of him. But…" Gently, he put the weapon down right next to him, his other hand trailing circles on the stony ground. "I don't know…" His voice was smaller now, a little hoarse around the edges. "…I don't know if I can do what he told us. To keep laughing , singing, dancing. That." He stared out in the air, blinking, his hands closed into fists in his lap. "I don't know if I can do that anymore."
Nami watched him closely. At least, she thought, he was no longer saying he couldn't be a captain anymore, or that he couldn't strive to become the Pirate King. Somehow he seemed to have taken back the mantle of authority and his hold on his dream during the last couple of hours. But they both seemed a burden to him right now, weighing him down rather than giving him joy.
"That ain't good enough, Luffy."
Everyone turned their heads to look at Franky, who'd spoken up so abruptly. The cyborg wasn't looking at anyone, though. Keeping his large arms crossed, he kept his eyes fixed on the floor as he continued. "Just keeping on with things out of duty ain't the way to go on about it," he said roughly. Me, I've had enough of that kinda crap. If we don't do this wholeheartedly and put all we've got on the line… what's the point? That's not how we do stuff, is it? If something's worth doing, it's worth doing with a DON. And if we're not... that ain't gonna be enough to make 'im happy, either."
He paused, then after several more seconds he muttered, "I say that, but I feel the same way as you. I'm not feelin' fine enough that I could go back to living wholeheartedly, either. Not yet." Then he snapped his fingers on the left side of his chest, making a faint metallic sound. "Hurts too much, in there."
Robin nodded slowly, shifting position where she sat. "It does hurt," she said. A melancholy smile tugged at her lips. "But I do think that is still better than feeling nothing at all."
She continued briskly, before anyone else started to reply, "Anyway, I was thinking... eventually, we shall run out of ammunition for Kabuto. We couldn't hope to recreate his arsenal exactly, but I and Chopper have some knowledge of herbs and plants in different ways, and Franky knows explosives and chemicals. Perhaps the three of us could join forces and try our best?"
"Uh... Um..." Chopper looked stunned. But then he straightened up and tugged on his hat in a Luffylike fashion, eyes full of determination. "I never thought I could make something like that –but I'll try! We can try together!"
Franky swallowed audibly. He looked down and hid his face in one of his huge hands for a moment, knuckles towards his forehead. When he looked up again he'd put his shades back on and was attempting a pale imitation of his normal flashy grin. "Sure, babe. Between the three of us, we should be able to cook up some cool ammo that works for us." His smile faltered. "Like you said, it ain't gonna be the same, though."
"Nothing's going to be the same," Nami heard herself saying. She was staring at the cave floor, not seeing much. Her voice sounded bleak even to her own ears.
She waved towards Kabuto and bag without raising her head to look at it. "This is–" great, amazing, a miracle: the words were there in her mind but wouldn't come up through her suddenly much thicker throat, and she had to swallow hard – "is, is, not something we could ever turn our back on."
Her voice sounded positively froglike by now. Coughing to clear her throat, she pulled up her knees and leaned forward, feeling cold again to the point of shivering. "B-but," she stuttered, "but th-there's so much it c-can't do, so much of him we won't get back. We get a, a part of him back" –that he trusts us with, so he can keep fighting with us; and she was truly grateful, she was– "and, and that's great that we get that much, hardly anyone else ever gets that much… But most of him's still going to leave us. Tomorrow," she finished in a loud whisper. "If we have the funeral then." Not today, surely the others too could see it was far too late in the day by now, even if they weren't as bonecrushingly tired as she was.
"We have to, don't we?" said Luffy simply. Nami looked up. He sat up straighter now, on his haunches, elbows resting on his thighs. "We should have it then. Now that we're all here."
And he was holding Kabuto again, grasping it tighter as he spoke, making it clear to her just how inclusive that "all" was.
Sanji had finished his cigarette and fished out a new one, but wasn't lighting it, just sat there bent forward holding his elbows. "Earth burial, right?" he said tightly. "It's the normal way for islanders in East Blue." He raised his head and looked at her and the others. "Unless someone's heard differently, like if he ever said something...?" Nami shook her head, hugging her knees tighter at another flash of pain went through her. No-one else had ever heard any wish on that subject, either.
"Then... I guess I'll be the one to build a coffin," Franky said in a thick and extremely gruff voice, arms crossed and head held low. He seemed to wait for some confirmation; Luffy only nodded. "Yeah," said Zoro shortly.
Nami was startled by a cough behind her back and whipped her head around to see Ananshio there. He'd gotten up a while ago to attend to something further down the cave. Now he was evidently back.
"If you want to, you're all welcome to spend the night here," he said. "I'm sure we have enough bedrolls and blankets in our stash. Used to be that whole families in the tribe would hide here when the slavers came."
"I wouldn't mind... we already have bedrolls in our packs, though," said Nami. She felt frankly relieved at the thought of staying put until morning. Sleeping on the Sunny was always homey, comfortable (barring storms) and reassuring, but she hadn't been looking forward to them having to take turns going there by the submarine, perhaps not arriving until after dark. And then they'd still have to return to the cave in the morning – that, or bring Usopp's body back onto the Sunny tonight.
She hoped no-one would have any serious objections to staying. But looking at the others, she couldn't see any open reluctance.
"Well..." said Sanji, "as long as it's all right with Madame Piriko..." Turning his head, he frowned, then his eyebrows shot up. "Say, where is she, anyway? And the little one?"
"Oh, they went to catch dinner," said Ananshio, waving towards the water basin that was connected to the sea. "We figured we ought to do our best to feed you."
There was a rumble from Luffy's stomach. He actually looked surprised.
"You need to eat, Luffy," said Sanji with a weary, fleeting smile. Which seemed like a bizarre thing for anyone to have to say – but then Nami recalled how she had also had to remind Luffy of the fact, back in the clearing. "So, we're staying, right?" Sanji added.
Luffy nodded. "I don't mind, either," he said, shrugging a little. He leaned Kabuto carefully against the bag before letting go. Then he drew a very heavy sigh, swallowed, and got up on his feet. He rubbed his neck and twisted it back and forth a few times; apparently he'd gotten a crick in it from putting his head to one side for so long.
Nami also got up. Looked like the council was over for now, then. Not that the outcome hadn't been pretty much decided from the start – like Zoro had said, their hands had already been forced. Talking had been more about trying to figure out what had happened and say what they felt about it, rather than making a decision. Or at least that's how it seemed to her now.
Something was still nagging at the back of her head, but it wasn’t until ten minutes later that it emerged. By then she and Robin had gone for a walk just a little bit up the mountain path on the inland way that Robin and Sanji had come here. Each had a pail to fill up with water from the small creek with fresh water that ran there, going into the wall again before the path reached the cave.
Just because someone's reaching out to you with a great gift doesn't mean you're strong enough to accept it. That was what rang in her mind as she crouched by the creek to drink the cold, fresh water from cupped hands that were suddenly shaking again. Robin was standing beside her holding up a torch: the wavering light reflected on the rushing water, too fast to make true mirror images.
That was it. She remembered another truly great gift, one of survival and parental claim at the same time, given to her and her sister on one terrible day over ten years ago. That had taken a very long time to accept.
The besouled Kabuto was more than a gift, a great honour, and a miracle; more than a truly heartfelt last wish. It was also a challenge. To make ourselves deep and large and wide enough to contain him. To be strong enough to accept all the weight the gift carries as he tries to help us keep strong. Together for as long as the road would allow them. Could they do that? Could they live up to that challenge?
We will simply have to, she thought, and the clear lucid knowledge brought its own little sigh of relief. The aching weight she felt didn't go away, but still the clarity helped her: they would just have to. That was all. They couldn't reject it and remain themselves.
She rocked back on her heels and lowered the pail into the small stream, Robin waiting patiently beside her. Nami filled the pail and got up on her feet, watching the pattern of minerals on the walls around them, some dull, others glittering in the torchlight. Nothing to think about, in the end.
They were who they were. So they had to.
*
Towards the end of dinner, Piriko cautiously asked the pirates if they had any particular arrangements in mind in order to prepare for the next day, and made clear that she and her husband wouldn't mind helping out, if so.
After a pause, Robin said slowly, "Are you asking us whether we plan to wash him and wrap him up?"
Piriko nodded gently. Robin looked down at the table, then swallowed and said, her voice sounding thinner now, "I... I had assumed we were going to do that." She looked up at the others. "Unless someone disagrees...?"
Luffy and the rest of them shook their heads, most looking taken aback and a bit daunted yet very clear that they would not need assistance from the helpful merfolk in this.
"I – I know how to do that." Chopper looked pale, but raised his chin in determination. "A few times when we couldn't save a patient and there weren't any close relatives, Doctorine would do it."
Robin looked over at him with a tiny smile. "I can help you," she said, her voice warmer now. "I have some knowledge in the area as well." She didn't go into how she had acquired such knowledge.
Nami started to say that she could help, too, but Robin shook her head gently and Sanji urged her to just take it easy and rest now. "You've done enough work getting us all here, Nami-baby," he insisted.
"Yeah, you look way tired," said Luffy bluntly, stretching out with a spoon to take the last of Chopper's casserole. "Like you could fall over any minute."
"I do not!" Nami objected testily, but the words sounded more like a reflex than anything else.
"I'll help." That was Zoro. "I know how to do it." He put the mug he'd been drinking from down, looking very determined despite the rings under his eyes and the unhealthy colour of his skin.
Chopper opened his mouth as if he wanted to point out that Zoro looked exceedingly tired as well, but then he snapped it shut again. "If you really want to," he mumbled, looking away. Luffy, too, only widened his eyes a bit, then nodded and sat back. "Okay."
"I'll go get the sheet," Zoro announced, getting up from the table.
Chopper nodded, rising to his feet as well and switching into Heavy Point to get human hands. "We should start right away. It's getting late." Ananshio gave him a pail full of warm water, while Piriko handed over a pile of towels to Robin. Zoro had just finished digging out the white sheet he'd brought from the ship when Luffy also stood up and said, "Wait."
Then he went over to the curtain of hanging moss, lifted it aside and opened the door under it into the small iced room, which was already a little warmer. Slowly and gently, he coaxed the blue-and-white armband off of Usopp's left arm. It was cold and stiff. He stood there for a few more seconds, then went out, hat pushed down well over his eyes.
Later, as they prepared the bedrolls and sleeping bags, he put the cold armband under his pillow so it would warm up until morning.
*
An hour later, everyone finished with their tasks and went to bed. The lights were blown out and switched off. There were typical little night-time noises from everyone, but other sounds around them were different: the distant sound of waves against rocks was muffled with subterranean echoes, and now one could hear the trill of the mountain creek in the path leading down to the cave that wasn't noticed before.
Some of them fell asleep almost as soon as their heads hit the pillow, being completely wrung-out and exhausted from the events of the day. Others stayed awake for far longer, staring out into the dense blackness, or drifted in and out of shallow, uncertain sleep. But by midnight they had all sunk deeply into sleep. First to a pure dreamless floating; then, after dwelling in that rest, strengthened by it, they were all stirred, prodded, drawn to move from there, finding themselves in the innermost reaches of dream country.
- End of chapter 12.
To be continued in chapter 13 part 1