Cracky fusion fic: Op/SM IV
Jul. 24th, 2008 04:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rainsometimesI feel up to posting some fusion crack with Coby & Helmeppo. Actually this is a late late LATE follow-up to old cracky art posts of mine, featuring various Sailor Senshi and Tuxedo Mask as played by the Strawhats (can be seen here, here and here).
This one turned up as text because: 1) the idea doesn’t quite fit with the earlier ones (no Strawhats) and needs more than just one image to justify itself; and 2) I was far too lazy to draw an actual comic. So, text it was. Lots of text, too! I have my usual hard-to-stop-fic-disease...
Constructive criticism is extremely appreciated!
I, er, don’t exactly have a full knowledge of Sailor Moon, for instance…
Helmeppo had seen the whole thing, much as he wished he hadn't. He had been there from the start, training by himself in an overgrown vacant lot away from the compound which had seemed a good place for it. He’d been peacefully practising new kinds of sword moves, tearing down straw men with quite a bit of flair, if he did say so himself, when there was a crackling hiss in the air behind him.
Turning around, he beheld a very strange-looking being with a green face, red body, shark teeth and a forked tongue standing there and grinning at him. It unnerved him quite a bit but frankly, it looked ugly even more than it looked fearsome. Then the creature had started spouting nonsense about how strong Helmeppo’s spirit energy was and how the monster had decided to take it right now for itself. “Get lost!” Helmeppo had snapped, drawing his swords: but the thing only laughed at him, and when he tried charging at it he found his arms completely without force, his whole body exhausted, limpid. He’d sunk to the ground, then heard footsteps and Coby’s alarmed yell as his best friend came running.
“Watch it, it’s not normal!” he’d managed to say, intending a yell but it came out as a weak whisper; and then he could do nothing but watch. Coby tried punching the creature but his hand just went right through it as if it was a ghost. “Oh, your spirit energy is even better!” the monster had chortled, reaching a clawed hand down towards Coby, who stumbled and jumped back. Then all of a sudden Coby was staring at something in his right hand, something small and shiny, like a jewellery box or perhaps a ladies' compact. There seemed to be a note attached to it, and that blistering idiot was reading it when he should be looking at the advancing monster. Oh man, Helmeppo had thought. This was it. They were done for now –
- Except that the next moment, Coby was suddenly on his feet, holding up the boxy thing and yelling something about the moon and a prism and some kind of make up, which made no sense at all. And then he seemed to spin around where he was, becoming all blurry and swirly and silhouetted, surrounded with flashing lights… and a few seconds later he stood there dressed as a bleeding Sailor Senshi, of all things. It was no denying it: Helmeppo hadn’t seen one before, but he’d heard enough about those beings to recognise the costume. It was a complete outfit, with gloves and ribbons, ‘sailor’ collar and mini-skirt, headband and bowties and cutesy ornaments – and what the hell had he done to his hair?
The transformed Coby had then suddenly brandished a pink stick that had likewise appeared out of nowhere. "PINK SUGAR HEART ATTACK!" he cried out, sending out big heart-shaped waves that hit the monster.
"Ow! Your're giving me a headache!" wailed the monster, so they couldn't have been very strong. But Coby used the distraction to run towards the monster again, swinging the stick at the monster's head. The stick didn't go right through: no, it hit its mark with a loud fire-crackerish sound, sending out lots of tiny sparkles. The next instant, the monster dissolved into nothingness, giving a tiny woeful shriek as it went.
With the dissolution of the monster, life had returned to Helmeppo's body and he could move again. Trembling all over, he’d rubbed his eyes vigorously but Coby was still standing there dressed in that outfit. Thankfully (oh, how thankfully!) no-one else seemed to be around to witness anything, though.
He picked up his swords and got to his feet unsteadily. “You- you can’t be a Sailor Senshi!” he stuttered, pointing at Coby with a shaking finger, hoping this was a hallucination that would soon dissolve as well. “You just can’t! Only pirates are Sailor Senshi!”
Coby looked down at himself with a considering air. “I guess someone must have made a mistake, then,” he stated calmly. “But you know, you’re leaping to conclusions there. Just because reports have consistently linked Sailor Senshi to the presence of pirates doesn’t mean they’re pirates themselves!”
“It still means no Marine can be one!” insisted Helmeppo. “This must be mistake, all right, a huge hideous mistake – unless it’s a pirate plot!!”
“I wonder how my techniques would work with Sailor Senshi moves?” said Coby, scratching his chin thoughtfully. “Anyway… maybe I could become a rebel Sailor Senshi.”
“A rebel? That’s even worse!”
“I meant, a rebel against expectations,” said Coby mildly. “And I could infiltrate them from the inside.”
“What?! That’s far too dangerous – anyway, you can’t just accept this!” said Helmeppo, outraged and incredulous. “Look, you don’t have to take this lying down! You should lodge a formal complaint somewhere, write letters, get the old man to pull some strings-”
“Hm, this seems to be a useful little booklet,” said Coby, holding up that thing he’d been reading from earlier. “It’s called ‘So You’ve Become A Sailor Senshi’. Sounds good, doesn’t it?” He plopped down on an empty, upended crate and started to look through the booklet.
Helmeppo gnashed his teeth. Damn that brat and his eternally sunny nature! “Are you even listening to me?!” he hissed, barely managing to restrain himself from wailing really loudly. Coby!!”
“It says here that when I’m in costume you should refer to me as ‘Sailor Chibi Moon’,” remarked Coby.
“Like – like hell I will!” spluttered Helmeppo. “Dream on! And what the hell’s a ‘chibi’, anyway?”
“Doesn’t say.” Coby turned a page and crossed his legs unselfconsciously in his severely short skirt; Helmeppo 'eeped' and quickly looked away, but thankfully there did seem to be some kind of white undergarment along with the costume. Possibly as embarrassingly feminine as the rest of it, possibly not: Helmeppo was not going to take a closer look to find out.
“It does say that as long as no-one sees me transform, nobody should be able to guess my secret identity when I’m in costume,” Coby went on. “Then it says, ‘We know this doesn’t make sense but it seems to work that way, so just accept it’. Huh.”
“Speaking of costumes, are you going to change back soon so we can get the hell out of here before someone sees us?” muttered Helmeppo, looking around nervously.
“But they won’t know it’s me, I just told you,” said Coby, smiling brightly. “Hm… it also says that the position of Sailor Saturn is still open. Hey, maybe that could be you, Helmeppo! Wouldn’t that be cool?”
“NO, NO and a thousand times NO.”
“But you’d get neat precognition and huge powers of destruction… wait… um, no, scratch that.” Coby winced and made as to turn the page.
“Huh? What kind of power? Lemme see that!” Helmeppo snatched the booklet away from his friend’s hands, his eyes scanning the page hurriedly. “Hey!” he protested finally. “It says if you ever use this power, you die!”
“That’s why I said to scratch it,” said Coby patiently. “But did you also see on the first page, it says that Sailor Senshi are supposed to be agents for love and justice?”
Helmeppo made a face. “Justice, okay, but ‘love and justice’ together sounds kinda dumb and sappy,” he grumbled as he turned the page back. “All right, let’s see… hey! It’s here all right, but ‘love and justice’ has been crossed out, and someone’s scrawled ‘fun and adventure’ right next to it. In very bad handwriting, too.” He frowned down at the page, for some unknown reason feeling severely annoyed by that scrawl. There was something about the handwriting that made his fists itch.
“That’s right!” Coby nodded firmly, then stood up and pointed dramatically at the sky. “So obviously the original ideals of the Sailor Senshi have been corrupted, and it’s up to me to put them right again, as a force on the side of Justice!” He changed pose as he spoke, making weird little gestures with his fingers all the while; and there seemed to be sparkles all over him.
Helmeppo blinked several times, slightly dazzled. Then he tossed the booklet back to Coby and looked away with a scowl, arms crossed over his chest. He sighed heavily.
“I just don’t think you of all people should be associated even more with pirates,” he muttered. “If you get found out…”
“But I won’t get found out if I’m careful,” said Coby briskly. “Anyway, do you really think the old man would care, unless he thinks it interferes with my training? For all we know he might decide it’ll make me stronger, and then he’ll make me stick to it whether I want to or not! At least if we keep this secret I can choose for myself if I’ll do it or not. Right?”
Helmeppo growled, kicking at the ground impotently, but he knew when he was beaten. It made sense: that was pretty much what Garp would do, all right. “I guess.” He raised his voice. “Now, can you change back so we can get outta here and back to the compound? Pleeease??” he whined, pulling at Coby’s arm.
“All right, all right…” Coby let himself be pulled along, raffling through the booklet in order to find out how to change back, all the while serenely whistling some tune Helmeppo had never heard before.
“Arrgh! Do you have to do that?” exclaimed Helmeppo.
“Do what?”
“Look so damned unconcerned! This is serious business!”
Coby shrugged. “It’s okay with you worrying for both of us.”
“Hell no, it’s not okay!”
“You know,” said Coby musingly, “this ‘Love and Justice’ thing does have a certain neat ring to it. Maybe I should make that my personal motto.”
“…I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that,” muttered Helmeppo. “And what happened to ‘Optimistic Justice’, anyway?”
“No harm in trying out several things out…”
“This is just getting worse and worse.” He glared at Coby and shook him by his pink-and-white collar. “And if you think I’ll cover for you once the Security guys come sniffing around for you, forget it! I’ll totally finger you and tell them, ‘Yep, he’s the guy in the pink skirt all right, and you should lock up the idiot for his own good!!”
“I’m sure you will,” said Coby tranquilly, still humming that same damn tune as he kept looking through his booklet. “Hey, I think I found it! Apparently to change back you don’t have to say or hold anything. You just need to want to change back.”
“What?! You’ve got to be kidding me! Well, then WANT, damn you!”
“…Helmeppo, you can’t tell people to just want things. It’s ungrammatical.”
“argh…just change back, please… shut up.”
“And I can’t hear you when you talk through your teeth.”
”graah.”
This one turned up as text because: 1) the idea doesn’t quite fit with the earlier ones (no Strawhats) and needs more than just one image to justify itself; and 2) I was far too lazy to draw an actual comic. So, text it was. Lots of text, too! I have my usual hard-to-stop-fic-disease...
Constructive criticism is extremely appreciated!
I, er, don’t exactly have a full knowledge of Sailor Moon, for instance…
Helmeppo had seen the whole thing, much as he wished he hadn't. He had been there from the start, training by himself in an overgrown vacant lot away from the compound which had seemed a good place for it. He’d been peacefully practising new kinds of sword moves, tearing down straw men with quite a bit of flair, if he did say so himself, when there was a crackling hiss in the air behind him.
Turning around, he beheld a very strange-looking being with a green face, red body, shark teeth and a forked tongue standing there and grinning at him. It unnerved him quite a bit but frankly, it looked ugly even more than it looked fearsome. Then the creature had started spouting nonsense about how strong Helmeppo’s spirit energy was and how the monster had decided to take it right now for itself. “Get lost!” Helmeppo had snapped, drawing his swords: but the thing only laughed at him, and when he tried charging at it he found his arms completely without force, his whole body exhausted, limpid. He’d sunk to the ground, then heard footsteps and Coby’s alarmed yell as his best friend came running.
“Watch it, it’s not normal!” he’d managed to say, intending a yell but it came out as a weak whisper; and then he could do nothing but watch. Coby tried punching the creature but his hand just went right through it as if it was a ghost. “Oh, your spirit energy is even better!” the monster had chortled, reaching a clawed hand down towards Coby, who stumbled and jumped back. Then all of a sudden Coby was staring at something in his right hand, something small and shiny, like a jewellery box or perhaps a ladies' compact. There seemed to be a note attached to it, and that blistering idiot was reading it when he should be looking at the advancing monster. Oh man, Helmeppo had thought. This was it. They were done for now –
- Except that the next moment, Coby was suddenly on his feet, holding up the boxy thing and yelling something about the moon and a prism and some kind of make up, which made no sense at all. And then he seemed to spin around where he was, becoming all blurry and swirly and silhouetted, surrounded with flashing lights… and a few seconds later he stood there dressed as a bleeding Sailor Senshi, of all things. It was no denying it: Helmeppo hadn’t seen one before, but he’d heard enough about those beings to recognise the costume. It was a complete outfit, with gloves and ribbons, ‘sailor’ collar and mini-skirt, headband and bowties and cutesy ornaments – and what the hell had he done to his hair?
The transformed Coby had then suddenly brandished a pink stick that had likewise appeared out of nowhere. "PINK SUGAR HEART ATTACK!" he cried out, sending out big heart-shaped waves that hit the monster.
"Ow! Your're giving me a headache!" wailed the monster, so they couldn't have been very strong. But Coby used the distraction to run towards the monster again, swinging the stick at the monster's head. The stick didn't go right through: no, it hit its mark with a loud fire-crackerish sound, sending out lots of tiny sparkles. The next instant, the monster dissolved into nothingness, giving a tiny woeful shriek as it went.
With the dissolution of the monster, life had returned to Helmeppo's body and he could move again. Trembling all over, he’d rubbed his eyes vigorously but Coby was still standing there dressed in that outfit. Thankfully (oh, how thankfully!) no-one else seemed to be around to witness anything, though.
He picked up his swords and got to his feet unsteadily. “You- you can’t be a Sailor Senshi!” he stuttered, pointing at Coby with a shaking finger, hoping this was a hallucination that would soon dissolve as well. “You just can’t! Only pirates are Sailor Senshi!”
Coby looked down at himself with a considering air. “I guess someone must have made a mistake, then,” he stated calmly. “But you know, you’re leaping to conclusions there. Just because reports have consistently linked Sailor Senshi to the presence of pirates doesn’t mean they’re pirates themselves!”
“It still means no Marine can be one!” insisted Helmeppo. “This must be mistake, all right, a huge hideous mistake – unless it’s a pirate plot!!”
“I wonder how my techniques would work with Sailor Senshi moves?” said Coby, scratching his chin thoughtfully. “Anyway… maybe I could become a rebel Sailor Senshi.”
“A rebel? That’s even worse!”
“I meant, a rebel against expectations,” said Coby mildly. “And I could infiltrate them from the inside.”
“What?! That’s far too dangerous – anyway, you can’t just accept this!” said Helmeppo, outraged and incredulous. “Look, you don’t have to take this lying down! You should lodge a formal complaint somewhere, write letters, get the old man to pull some strings-”
“Hm, this seems to be a useful little booklet,” said Coby, holding up that thing he’d been reading from earlier. “It’s called ‘So You’ve Become A Sailor Senshi’. Sounds good, doesn’t it?” He plopped down on an empty, upended crate and started to look through the booklet.
Helmeppo gnashed his teeth. Damn that brat and his eternally sunny nature! “Are you even listening to me?!” he hissed, barely managing to restrain himself from wailing really loudly. Coby!!”
“It says here that when I’m in costume you should refer to me as ‘Sailor Chibi Moon’,” remarked Coby.
“Like – like hell I will!” spluttered Helmeppo. “Dream on! And what the hell’s a ‘chibi’, anyway?”
“Doesn’t say.” Coby turned a page and crossed his legs unselfconsciously in his severely short skirt; Helmeppo 'eeped' and quickly looked away, but thankfully there did seem to be some kind of white undergarment along with the costume. Possibly as embarrassingly feminine as the rest of it, possibly not: Helmeppo was not going to take a closer look to find out.
“It does say that as long as no-one sees me transform, nobody should be able to guess my secret identity when I’m in costume,” Coby went on. “Then it says, ‘We know this doesn’t make sense but it seems to work that way, so just accept it’. Huh.”
“Speaking of costumes, are you going to change back soon so we can get the hell out of here before someone sees us?” muttered Helmeppo, looking around nervously.
“But they won’t know it’s me, I just told you,” said Coby, smiling brightly. “Hm… it also says that the position of Sailor Saturn is still open. Hey, maybe that could be you, Helmeppo! Wouldn’t that be cool?”
“NO, NO and a thousand times NO.”
“But you’d get neat precognition and huge powers of destruction… wait… um, no, scratch that.” Coby winced and made as to turn the page.
“Huh? What kind of power? Lemme see that!” Helmeppo snatched the booklet away from his friend’s hands, his eyes scanning the page hurriedly. “Hey!” he protested finally. “It says if you ever use this power, you die!”
“That’s why I said to scratch it,” said Coby patiently. “But did you also see on the first page, it says that Sailor Senshi are supposed to be agents for love and justice?”
Helmeppo made a face. “Justice, okay, but ‘love and justice’ together sounds kinda dumb and sappy,” he grumbled as he turned the page back. “All right, let’s see… hey! It’s here all right, but ‘love and justice’ has been crossed out, and someone’s scrawled ‘fun and adventure’ right next to it. In very bad handwriting, too.” He frowned down at the page, for some unknown reason feeling severely annoyed by that scrawl. There was something about the handwriting that made his fists itch.
“That’s right!” Coby nodded firmly, then stood up and pointed dramatically at the sky. “So obviously the original ideals of the Sailor Senshi have been corrupted, and it’s up to me to put them right again, as a force on the side of Justice!” He changed pose as he spoke, making weird little gestures with his fingers all the while; and there seemed to be sparkles all over him.
Helmeppo blinked several times, slightly dazzled. Then he tossed the booklet back to Coby and looked away with a scowl, arms crossed over his chest. He sighed heavily.
“I just don’t think you of all people should be associated even more with pirates,” he muttered. “If you get found out…”
“But I won’t get found out if I’m careful,” said Coby briskly. “Anyway, do you really think the old man would care, unless he thinks it interferes with my training? For all we know he might decide it’ll make me stronger, and then he’ll make me stick to it whether I want to or not! At least if we keep this secret I can choose for myself if I’ll do it or not. Right?”
Helmeppo growled, kicking at the ground impotently, but he knew when he was beaten. It made sense: that was pretty much what Garp would do, all right. “I guess.” He raised his voice. “Now, can you change back so we can get outta here and back to the compound? Pleeease??” he whined, pulling at Coby’s arm.
“All right, all right…” Coby let himself be pulled along, raffling through the booklet in order to find out how to change back, all the while serenely whistling some tune Helmeppo had never heard before.
“Arrgh! Do you have to do that?” exclaimed Helmeppo.
“Do what?”
“Look so damned unconcerned! This is serious business!”
Coby shrugged. “It’s okay with you worrying for both of us.”
“Hell no, it’s not okay!”
“You know,” said Coby musingly, “this ‘Love and Justice’ thing does have a certain neat ring to it. Maybe I should make that my personal motto.”
“…I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that,” muttered Helmeppo. “And what happened to ‘Optimistic Justice’, anyway?”
“No harm in trying out several things out…”
“This is just getting worse and worse.” He glared at Coby and shook him by his pink-and-white collar. “And if you think I’ll cover for you once the Security guys come sniffing around for you, forget it! I’ll totally finger you and tell them, ‘Yep, he’s the guy in the pink skirt all right, and you should lock up the idiot for his own good!!”
“I’m sure you will,” said Coby tranquilly, still humming that same damn tune as he kept looking through his booklet. “Hey, I think I found it! Apparently to change back you don’t have to say or hold anything. You just need to want to change back.”
“What?! You’ve got to be kidding me! Well, then WANT, damn you!”
“…Helmeppo, you can’t tell people to just want things. It’s ungrammatical.”
“argh…just change back, please… shut up.”
“And I can’t hear you when you talk through your teeth.”
”graah.”
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Date: 2008-07-24 09:24 pm (UTC)I love Luffy's writting over of the mission!
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Date: 2008-07-25 09:40 am (UTC)