Revised ficlet re-post

[rainsometimes]

Here’s the longer version of a ficlet I posted to onepieceyaoi100 a few days ago. Reposted here for the sake of completeness – plus, if someone feels like offering concrit, it would be awesome. :D

Title: A Savage Gentleness, previously: Too Kind edit: I'm changing back to the original title/edit
Word Count: 432
Prompt: Restrained Sanji
Rating: G, worksafe
Pairing: Sanji/Usopp or Sanji->Usopp; possibly not romantically
Spoilers/setting: Post-Thriller Bark, pre-Shabondy
Flavour: serious, moderately angsty
Summary: The helplessness of strength



Disclaimer: The characters of One Piece was created and is owned by Eiichiro Oda. They are used here without permission for entertainment purposes only. This fanfic is not intended and not to be used for profit.

Sometimes Usopp will run out of words as he’s sitting in Sunny’s galley, doing chores or just hanging out. There’ll be a trickle of talk and then silence and when Sanji glances behind him there’s an empty look or uselessly moving fingers or a crouch in Usopp’s figure that makes Sanji’s stomach turns cold or his throat lumpy. And then he may wonder again what exactly ‘already negative’ means, anyway.

Then Sanji turns back to his work and it happens that there’s something restless moving inside him, something angry and fearful, rising like a wave, pushing at him to go over to his crewmate, grab him and say the right words, the needed words. To haul him back in from threatening waves, to hold him close and stave off hurt and make the worry – Sanji’s worry, that is - go away forever.

But he knows. I can’t reach him this way. At times Sanji might meet Usopp’s eyes and see an evasive, fearful look – but there’ll also be a touch of annoyance and maybe disapproval, warning Sanji off. He’ll think it’s just concern. Sanji has let the mask slip too many times, he fears, letting protectiveness through but not, perhaps, enough of his own need. Making it seem like it’s only about the stronger crewmate worried about the weaker.

Why does it feel this way now? They used to just know where they had each other, Usopp and him. Sanji had been prepared for things feeling different after Usopp finally rejoined the crew when they left Water 7, but he found himself falling back to his old ease with the sniper practically immediately. And it seemed to be so for Usopp too, at least with Sanji.

Maybe it’s because of Zoro’s sacrifice, the one that only Sanji and Brook know about, and cannot tell the others - maybe that’s shaking other things loose as well. Or maybe it’s got something to do with Perona and her ghosts.

I don’t want to stand in the way of you getting stronger. He lights his cigarette with forced calm and stays put right where he is, saying nothing; knowing he can’t cross this line unless he’s invited across it. And that might not happen.

He knows this, but that doesn’t make it easier: there’s an urge in him that doesn’t care about respecting boundaries and letting someone gain inner strength, that just wants to rescue and protect. A dangerous wave, one that looks like kindness but could, perhaps, lead to destruction.

He watches himself and doesn’t take those few steps. And the moment, eventually, passes.