Revised ficlet re-post

[rainsometimes]

Here’s the longer version of a ficlet I posted to onepieceyaoi100 a few days ago. Reposted here for the sake of completeness – plus, if someone feels like offering concrit, it would be awesome. :D

Title: A Savage Gentleness, previously: Too Kind edit: I'm changing back to the original title/edit
Word Count: 432
Prompt: Restrained Sanji
Rating: G, worksafe
Pairing: Sanji/Usopp or Sanji->Usopp; possibly not romantically
Spoilers/setting: Post-Thriller Bark, pre-Shabondy
Flavour: serious, moderately angsty
Summary: The helplessness of strength



Disclaimer: The characters of One Piece was created and is owned by Eiichiro Oda. They are used here without permission for entertainment purposes only. This fanfic is not intended and not to be used for profit.

Sometimes Usopp will run out of words as he’s sitting in Sunny’s galley, doing chores or just hanging out. There’ll be a trickle of talk and then silence and when Sanji glances behind him there’s an empty look or uselessly moving fingers or a crouch in Usopp’s figure that makes Sanji’s stomach turns cold or his throat lumpy. And then he may wonder again what exactly ‘already negative’ means, anyway.

Then Sanji turns back to his work and it happens that there’s something restless moving inside him, something angry and fearful, rising like a wave, pushing at him to go over to his crewmate, grab him and say the right words, the needed words. To haul him back in from threatening waves, to hold him close and stave off hurt and make the worry – Sanji’s worry, that is - go away forever.

But he knows. I can’t reach him this way. At times Sanji might meet Usopp’s eyes and see an evasive, fearful look – but there’ll also be a touch of annoyance and maybe disapproval, warning Sanji off. He’ll think it’s just concern. Sanji has let the mask slip too many times, he fears, letting protectiveness through but not, perhaps, enough of his own need. Making it seem like it’s only about the stronger crewmate worried about the weaker.

Why does it feel this way now? They used to just know where they had each other, Usopp and him. Sanji had been prepared for things feeling different after Usopp finally rejoined the crew when they left Water 7, but he found himself falling back to his old ease with the sniper practically immediately. And it seemed to be so for Usopp too, at least with Sanji.

Maybe it’s because of Zoro’s sacrifice, the one that only Sanji and Brook know about, and cannot tell the others - maybe that’s shaking other things loose as well. Or maybe it’s got something to do with Perona and her ghosts.

I don’t want to stand in the way of you getting stronger. He lights his cigarette with forced calm and stays put right where he is, saying nothing; knowing he can’t cross this line unless he’s invited across it. And that might not happen.

He knows this, but that doesn’t make it easier: there’s an urge in him that doesn’t care about respecting boundaries and letting someone gain inner strength, that just wants to rescue and protect. A dangerous wave, one that looks like kindness but could, perhaps, lead to destruction.

He watches himself and doesn’t take those few steps. And the moment, eventually, passes.

Comments

[alice-and-lain.livejournal.com]

I really really liked this. I wish I had a better comment to leave! But this line:

And then he may wonder again what exactly ‘already negative’ means, anyway.

is what sucked me in because it's something that I've thought about too. Don't the other crew members realize what Usopp's immunity to the ghosts really means? It's a thought too angsty for canon One Piece but it's something that really opens up possibilities for fanfiction. And I've thought about writing some of those but again, it gets angsty.

I also like the thought of Usopp's ever-present words sputtering to a halt, leaving him with an empty look or grasping fingers. Because Usopp's stories and yells and protestations and boasts are such a part of him. Without them, he does seem a little empty.

Wow, this comment is about Usopp and not about Sanji at all. So obvious who my favorite is.

[serrende.livejournal.com]

I've had in mind for the longest time a longish and unfortunately very wangsty dialogue between Sanji and Usopp that pretty much starts off from the same place this ficlet does, with Sanji being uneasy and worried about the 'already negative' thing. (I might have mentioned this before?) I've finally made it so it doesn't seem too OOC, I think, but it's still a long way from being readable, if it gets there.

I also like the thought of Usopp's ever-present words sputtering to a halt, leaving him with an empty look or grasping fingers. Because Usopp's stories and yells and protestations and boasts are such a part of him. Without them, he does seem a little empty.

Agreed so very much. This puts me in mind of an old Zosopp fic by dethorats called Bandages; you can see it here (http://dethorats.livejournal.com/237969.html) if you're interested (it's the third fic on the page, so you'll have to scroll down). Warning for lots of angst, though.

Wow, this comment is about Usopp and not about Sanji at all. So obvious who my favorite is.

;) That's all right - Sanji would totally understand. He's more concerned about Usopp too.

[scribe-protra.livejournal.com]

This is still so nice and thoughtful and wonderful. But just one nitpick. I thought Sanji was unaware that Brook knew about zoro?

[serrende.livejournal.com]

Thankyew kindly!
No, see here (http://www.onemanga.com/One_Piece/486/13/)?
Neither of them know that Robin knows, though.

[scribe-protra.livejournal.com]

Ooo. Cool!

Ahaha Robin likes being mysterious and not have her crew know she knows *things*.

[oddrid.livejournal.com]

Hi, I happened to wander in through dethorats. I hope you don't mind. ♥

He knows this, but that doesn’t make it easier: there’s an urge in him that doesn’t care about respecting boundaries and letting someone gain inner strength, that just wants to rescue and protect. A dangerous wave, one that looks like kindness but could, perhaps, lead to destruction.

I really love these lines. I think you've captured very well a crucial struggle that Sanji goes through when it comes to some of the weaker crew members. I liked the introspectiveness of this fic, and the onesidedness of the relationship. I love SanUso, and I think you captured Sanji's anxious side very well!

I'm memorying this fic! I hope you write more!

[serrende.livejournal.com]

Much appreciate your wandering in with neat comments! Please, feel welcome to stay if you wish! Or return at any time should you so choose. ^_^

Thank you very much! I think Sanji and Usopp have quite a cool and interesting relationship in canon, one which I think tends to get overlooked a lot. So I guess I wanted to explore that a bit, and an aspect that I think could be troubling them and especially Sanji.
Very happy you liked it!